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Do you feel you have that mother child bond? I dont feel it.

When I had my first son, I was in Love. When I had my second son, I was just there. Yes I love them, and I miss them when I dont see them, and I would give my life for my kids, but... I dont have a problem being away from them for a week, or not calling them, I act as though they dont exist when i dont have them.

I didnt really plan getting pregnant, my husband basically forced me to have kids, or else he'd leave. Thats why I had them, if not, I would have waited until I was around 28 or so.

I dont feel I have that bond with them. I dont like to sit and teach them anything, I have no desire to. i think thats why they have schools. I DO sit and read to them, and sometimes color with them, but rarely. I just let them do their own thing all day long.

Call me a bad parent, I know I am... I just beed to learn ways to fix it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Feb. 19, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • It sounds like you had a form of an abusive relationship with their father. People involved in abusive relationships often learn how to protect themselves from being hurt. You are able to cut off that emotional part of you even with the people you love the most. I would be willing to guess you love them so much that the idea of not having them around hurts you more then you are willing to admit. So, instead of admitting this it is easier for you to just cut off those emotional feelings rather then be hurt. In short, you love your kids, you just love them so much you would rather feel nothing by choice then let that love flow in. You should probably see a counselor or read a couple self help books to learn more about surviving an abusive relationship. You will learn alot about yourself that way.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:07 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • You know - some mom's aren't mother hen moms. Some mom's want kids, but want careers and have other people (nannies, fathers, etc) raise their children while they work. I do feel the bond with my children most of the time, but I would rather further my career and have my husband be a sahd. I could also be gone for a week and love the freedom. I don't feel bad about this because I am always making sure my kids have everything they need, including kisses, hugs and love from me. If I'm gone I will call so they can here my voice.
    I'm a little concerned about how your husband forced you to have kids - this sounds like resentment towards him that can also trickle down to the kids and cause a block there. Maybe seek a couple counseling sessions to work that out - You might regret all this when the kids are moved out and don't talk to you anymore. OR the kids could be your best friends later in life because you didn't smother them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • All in All - I doubt you are a bad mom. There are other mom's out there like you. But if this is an emotiional block, you'll want to fix it, because there aren't any do overs and time goes by so fast. If your kids are happy, healthy and alive - you've done your job so far! :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I'm know you not alone..I can't empathize, but I know a few moms who are the same way. Big hugs.
    -AJ

    Answer by -AJ at 11:54 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • my daughter is going on 2 and i still struggle with the bond with her. i try to make the best out of it tho
    autumnsmommy721

    Answer by autumnsmommy721 at 12:55 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • You are not a bad parent, you are a sad one. No one should be forced into parenthood. Please ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:17 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • my guess is depression...i've been there....therapy and sometimes meds can help
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 3:59 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

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