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3 Bumps

Cheating

I have been so sad since i found out that my Husband (who swore he would never cheat) attemped to hook up with a co-worker. Our relationship is so strained but i'm trying to work through it but I'm finding now that little things he does or says pisses me off.
Will this go away, he is actually a great step father and a good husband to me. He shares all the house hold debt helps with food takes my son to school when i work and we spend great time together. I don't know why he did this they just exchanged phone numbers and texted a few times but what kills me is he says they were just smoking friends and someone to talk to so i said ok but why would he tell her he was single and not wear his wedding ring if it was so inocent
I do love him but i'm stressed and hurt and not trusting. We got in a small tiff yesterday and this morning he came in from work gave me the car keys i took them and left for work and we didn't exchange a look or a word. I'm so torn as to what to do i'm the type of person who takes no "stuff" off a man and i value marriage. HELP me please.....

Answer Question
 
dusty1962

Asked by dusty1962 at 10:57 AM on Feb. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,831 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If you love the man, then try to forgive, he didn't actually physically do it, but I know emotional cheating can be just as bad. Did he offer the info, or did you just happen to find out? we as humans make mistakes, talk this out with him and tell him to explain to you the reason behind it.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:00 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I am so sorry. The best thing you can do is to not make any rash decisions. Sit down and have a very long chat with him. Tell him you need him to be completely honest and ask away. Also, use that chance to let him know how deceived. belittled, and hurt you feel. If there is any chance in healing the relationship, this needs to happen. And, yes, he needs to apologize to you and get rid of the smoking buddy.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 11:08 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • if I was in your position, as much as I'd want to believe him that he didn't do anything, I'm not so sure I would.
    that and if he went so far as to not wear his ring, lie about being single, this is far from a 'it just happened' kind of thing. He was pursuing this woman and may still be.

    I'd get a counselor if I were you.

    did you post a letter a while ago about seeing a car watching your place and a flower left?
    was that the other woman?
    just curious. I hope all goes well for you.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:08 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Counseling will help a great deal and they will help you work through your anger and resentment, its going to be hard work but it sounds to me like you are a fighter and a person who doesn't give up! GOOD LUCK and HUGS!!!
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 11:12 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Yes I am the lady who saw the strange car outside my house and found a white rose next to the porch. He did apoligize and even showed tears....lol (right) and he didn't tell me I found her name and number is his cell phone and I confronted him that same night and the only thing he denied is wanting her which I know is a ball faced lied otherwise he wouldn't have given her his number and lied about being married DUH does he really think i fell off the tuna truck.....lol
    dusty1962

    Comment by dusty1962 (original poster) at 11:18 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • you might want to take a look at this post while you are deciding what to do-

    http://www.cafemom.com/answers/742464/Would_you_confront_the_other_woman
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:35 AM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I'd say it's ruined now and it would be over for me.
    HKing01

    Answer by HKing01 at 12:49 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Tough one. The thing is I wouldn't be able to deal with it because now you'll always be looking over your shoulder. It's not a secure feeling anymore. Maybe if you really want to work it out you two can seek counselling and see if it helps. For me, I'd rather be heart broken and alone than living with someone that has me constantly insecure.. Goo luck!
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 3:39 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • try to trust him. if you have done anything behind anyone elses back ever, think about the influence that has on your thoughts. im sorry you feel like that, its happened to me and i know it hurts. try to be as trusting as possilbe and i think communication is key at these times. so try to really open your ears i think, just feel out the situation with your full body. ok thats all i can say feel free to write more about this
    Liz4Life

    Answer by Liz4Life at 3:59 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

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