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2 Bumps

I am in a bad relationship.

My boyfriend of a year and a half, just doesnt care. about anything. He is making my life hell, and he doesnt care. he is controlling, he doesnt put me first before anything... :( But Im in such a bind because...I love him soooooo much. I dont want to date anyone else, I just want him to shape up!! But Im not allowed to talk about our relationship, Im not allowed to yell at him, I havent even seen him in 3 days and we live together! I know Im being an idiot. Everyone who loves me tells me to leave him leave him leave him, but its so hard! I know he is capable of being good to me! Theres a reason why I love him so much! he just hasnt been that guy for the last couple months. I dont know what to do. I guess Im just wondering if anyone else out there has been in a bad relationship and has any advice or insight. Thankyou.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Feb. 19, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Is he suddenly under a lot of stress? Is he depressed? Has he recently started or stopped any medicine? It's really weird for someone to do a complete attitude 180 unless there is something else causing it. I suggest you look into these things, calmly try to talk to him without accusing(try using "I feel..." and "I think..." and more I phrases instead of 'You" phrases) or yelling, and maybe, if nothing is working, resign yourself to having to leave to have a better life. Good luck!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 2:44 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • i have been in a bad relationship before, waiting for him to change....he never did, the more i waited the more complacent he got. i gave the relationship time hoping he would change but he interpreted my patience as his behavior being acceptable. it is not worth the stress, i would leave him. it's funny how we are hesitant to leave a man but when we finally do and meet somebody better; we always ask our selves " what was i thinking staying with this a-- - hole" ?
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:44 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I have been and it doesn't get better. I wasted five years of my life. If you aren't "allowed" to do things that is a huge sign to get the heck out now. This will lead to more controlling and abusive behavior. You have to love yourself more than you love him to know that he isn't good for you and doesn't deserve you.
    jamesonjustines

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 2:44 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • First of all you can't make someone care about you, no matter how hard you try! You say "he is capable of being good to you?" Then why isn't he? Maybe your seeing the true him now! Iv'e given this advise to others in your situation and you can take it or leave it but here goes... YOU know how much you can take and if you thought more of yourself then you wouldn't accept the treatment your receiving. You need to put yourself first and if you did, this wouldn't be acceptable. The people that love you can see it, now you need to. Best of luck!
    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 2:51 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Its hard because you are still living with him. If you arent ready to leave him then why not just move out and then see if he does or doesnt change from there? Itll also give you a different perspective because you wont be living with him. Honestly I think you should just leave him and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Life is way too short for bad relationships that are only going to bring you heart ache.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 2:52 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • When I was 18, I was in a very similar, but abusive relationship. I turned my head when he cheated, with my bff. He threw me down a flight of stairs, and I convinced myself that I did something wrong. He would change, because I loved him, and I was a good person, and I deserved it. It would all end up working out. What you call love, is in fact, a form of brain washing. it never will work out. He is using you, and obviously hurting you. I know the mindstate you are in, you know its wrong, but you dont know anything else. My suggestion, save up your money, and just leave. You will be sad for awhile, he will be angry. BUT WHO CARES WHAT HE THINKS. You can, and WILL do so much better. Because you are a good person, and you deserve it. But the only person that can make the change, is YOU. He isn't going to.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 2:59 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • It sounds like he's done with you. I know its hard but move out and move on.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 3:05 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Been there in a relationship like that. This isn't love. It's an addiction and it's fear of being alone.

    From what you write, he is not WORTHY of your love. And he IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. They never do.

    Get out.TODAY. He's already killing your spirit and soul. You can get those back as long as you get out before he kills your body too.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:27 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • Honey you're not in love with you BF, you're in love with your BF's potential and as much as you want him to be that way, he isn't. You already know what you have to do. It's time to move on, live your life and move on from this unhealthy situation you're in. Trust me, No matter how much you love him you can't change him unless he wants to change and obviously he doesn't.
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 4:11 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

  • I was in one of those for a long time, when it was good, it was amazing, but the rest of the time it was hell. I thought loved him and while part of me wanted to leave another part could stand the thought of being w/o him. I just wanted him to be the man he was when he was *good*. The longer I stayed, the less good there was. Eventually i got the guts to leave and let me tell you, my life has been so wonderful since I let him go. You should do the same. It won't be easy at first, but leaving is worth the first few weeks of pain.
    KWnavywife

    Answer by KWnavywife at 4:13 PM on Feb. 19, 2011

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