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About to become a step parent to a 17yr old...any advice?

While I'm certainly NOT looking to even be considered a "parental figure" in his life, I would like him & I to have some sort of relationship & be considered as more than just "Dad's wife". Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle things?

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Nov. 18, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (6)
  • I have a step son, I have always just treated him like I treat my nephews. Just tell him you don't want to replace his mom, but would love to be part of his life, maybe give him a card so he's not uncomfortable trying to talk about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:35 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • I did have this same experience. My own kids are grown and on their own.....28 & 26. When I met Honey, I fell madly in love, and as we talked and talked I made it very clear that I was not interested in being a step-parent, as far as "responsibilities of a parental figure" goes. My parenting job was long done. Then his 17 year old son decided he couldn't live with mother anymore and wanted to come live with father, who lived with me. All I could do was tell Honey "I would try". cont........

    Answer by EireLass at 7:59 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • cont......But I laid the ground rules with Honey first. I NEVER wanted to have to parent him. I NEVER wanted to have to be after him for anything. I NEVER wanted to have to reprimand him for anything. I would tell Honey any concerns I had, and he would talk to son about it, leaving me out of it, so I would never be "the evil stepmother". It worked wonderfully. We developed a very nice relationship!! But set your rules with the father early on, so you don't get sucked into doing what you already know you don't want.

    Answer by EireLass at 7:59 PM on Nov. 18, 2008

  • my hubby married into an instant family and well i talked with my boys first and explained that andrew would be respected and the new male role model of the house but not their dad although they are to respect him as a dad. andrew just picked up as their dad and my kids have never questioned him cause they know the truth of the matter is that he isn't their dad but still an adult that is to be respected. it helps that they are also friends and have lots in common. i would just go in as if your friends but still deserve respect as if you were his mother. since you are a mother not just the biological mother. no difference though not really.

    Answer by melody77 at 11:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Being seventeen is hard between boy/man I think you should just let things mature naturally actions speak way louder than words. Just be yourself let him get to know you and you will form a bond as friend/cool step mom as time progresses. At seventeen all he is worried about is his car, his girl and something to eat. As long as you are nice to him and keep him clean clothes, don't stay on his back about stuff you have it made! Your husbands job is to keep him in line lol! Being a step mother myself i let the kids know if you need me I'm here otherwise I go on with my business works well for us.

    Answer by 1countrygal at 11:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • - the members that make up that community have saved my marriage and my sanity - there are stepmoms of all situations on there and it's a wonderfully supportive online social-networking site for stepmoms and second wives. Someone there will have the answer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 PM on Nov. 22, 2008

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