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How can I get over the guilt?

I asked some questions a couple of days ago about cutting ties with my mom and the advice that I received was very helpful, but I can't stop feeling guilty about the fact that I am going to stop communicating with my mom. I know that I have to let her go, but I feel so bad about it because I am allowing fear and worry to set in. As I said before, she decided to follow me out of town and I feel guilty about not wanting a relationship anymore with her. I feel like it is my responsibility to make sure that she is okay.

I know that she is toxic, but I'm having a hard time letting go of our relationship and I just worry about her sometimes. How can I let go without all of the guilt associated with cutting ties? Just because she is my mom doesn't necessarily mean that I have to continue a relationship with her especially when she neglected me and did other things that left me scarred. It's easy for other people to say that she is my mom and that I shouldn't cut ties, but she didn't deserve a second chance in the first place.

 
cocobrown28

Asked by cocobrown28 at 4:10 AM on Feb. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (1,128 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It will be the most difficult when you first make the break. You have to grieve just like it was a death. Allow yourself that time to grieve. And with the passage of time it will be less painful and you can accept the way it has to be. You will forever wish it could have been different, but know that you had to do what was best for you and your well being. I wish you all the best. Private message me anytime if you want. hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:08 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • If I'm feeling guilty over a choice I made, I tend to think I might have made the wrong one. I don't know your story, but there's usually more than 1 way to handle a problem. Follow your heart because at the end of the day, you're the one who's going to have to live with it. GL
    Lornamay

    Answer by Lornamay at 5:27 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Personally I don't think you should cut all ties with her. Even if you just talk to her occasionally. She is still your mother.
    Darla47

    Answer by Darla47 at 5:18 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I get that a lot, about her being my mom, but that doesn't mean that she has to be in my life when she continues to be a negative influence in my life. I've had too many bad times with her.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 5:21 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I don't know all the details of you and your mom but I would never cut all ties, ever. Taking a break may be necessary but to make a permanent decision like that is not really healthy. Just take it day by day! :)
    MommyNeedsVodka

    Answer by MommyNeedsVodka at 5:36 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I can't see how it's healthy to keep her in my life either, though. I don't want to tell all the details about my life and childhood, but I've had to deal with some messed up ish, seriously. I've been understanding, I've even been forgiving, but there is no reason I had to endure the things that she has put me through. I don't feel that just because she is my mom I should have to keep dealing with her negative ways.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 5:43 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Thanks elizabr, so much.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 7:13 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I don't know if I could ever cut all ties. Maybe just leave it on a 'she contacts you basis.'
    Mommyto2LilMen

    Answer by Mommyto2LilMen at 9:42 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Look your mom is your "ONLY" mom, and once she's no longer here, trust me, you will miss her, and talking about the guilt now, it'll be worse. There is absolutely "NOTHING" on this earth that my mom can do to me that will cause me to cut her off. Get over it, pray on it, and move on. I know how it is because my mom has pissed me off a few times, but I won't call her for a couple of days until I cool off, but ending the relationship completely is something I would never do.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 10:17 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Ambr2006, I can see your point, however, there is a really big difference between being pissed off and being neglected as a child. I have given her countless chances to do better, and I'm aware that I don't have the power to change her, but I can no longer deal with her as a person. I can see how it may seem like I am being mean or inconsiderate, trust me, I'm not. I would have to go through the whole story in order for people to see why I feel this way, but I won't air out all of the personal details.

    Let's just say I was extremely neglected as a child and I've suffered because of it along with other things. I have been to counseling, but I didn't have the chance to go back, however, I have an appointment at the end of this month so that I can see a new counselor for my troubles.
    cocobrown28

    Comment by cocobrown28 (original poster) at 10:26 AM on Feb. 20, 2011

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