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2 Bumps

2nd grade girl cattyness, what do I do??

Ok, so in August when school started (2nd grade) my DD wentto a sleep over bday party for a new girl (let's call her X) in school. I sort of had this weird feeling that the mom didn't really like me when we had the parents 'get together' for the party. She wasn't rude or anything, she was polite, but I got a weird vibe from her towards me, but I just thought I may not have been as engaged in conversation as the other parents (I feel a little awkward around a lot of new people sometimes). I also have this thing about (only because it happens ALL THE TIME) how people treat me, or behave towards me because I look like a 16 year old girl. (I'm 28 BTW.) Anyway, a few weeks later my DD wanted to have another sleep over there, I told her I would talk to this other mom, I called and she didn't answer (no big deal) the next day she comes home sad because the girls mom told her DD that mine can't go over there because she's to loud and wakes up the baby. (granted, my daughter IS very loud, but she is also very well behaved.) This kinda pissed me off, but I chose to ignore the rudeness and invited the girl to stay with us. They had plans. Anyway, my DD and her best friend (let's call her Y) spend almost every weekend together, the parents and us kinda switch off, and playdates during the week. For the most part they're inseparable, and the parents have become good friends of me and my husband.

SO THEN... my daughter has been coming home every once in a while since Xmas break upset because X is kinda mean to her about her friendship with Y. I understand that with 3 girls there tends to be a little jealousy. So, I tried again to invite X to come out with my DD and Y to playdates or sleep overs. Her mom always had some excuse. The last few weeks it seems like almost every other day my DD comes home upset because X is being really mean and saying Y says she doesn't really like my DD but the parents make them be friends (which I know is total BS) and tries to force Y to choose. This was REALLY pissing me off, but I tried to help my daughter handle the situation because I know throughout school this will keep happening in life. AND THEN she comes home crying because X said her mom told her she shouldn't be friends with my DD!!! I assumed that X was probably telling her mom things to make her think that. Even still, I tried to get a hold of the mom, but her number is changed.

Let me also add that my DD and Y tell us everything, but the other parents and I evesdrop to hear the entire story, and they constantly talk amongst themselves about how X is being mean, unfair and jealous.

Then Friday my DD comes home saying her teacher said the 3 girls are not allowed to hang out AT ALL during school hours!!! I asked Y's mom if she knew anything about it and she said their teacher called them to the school Friday because Y was super crying because X gave her a note forcing her to chose between her and my DD!! Totally bullying Y!! So, Y's parents said they were trying to get a hold of X's mom and they were gonna take Y to the school counsellor to work on the situation. Y's mom text X's mom to tell her to have her DD stop bullying her DD (after numerous texts asking to talk about the situation) Eventually yesterday, X's mom replied texting that it was about time there was some adult intervention, that kids are kids but they still need supervision, and that she called the teacher and asked that the girls not be allowed to hang around each other during school!

1st of all, it would have been nice if the teacher had filled ME in on the situation and I didn't have to hear it from my DD (mind you, I'm always involved with my DD teacher, conferences, and my DH and I help with the testing, art fair, 30 gingerbread houses for the class etc...) so she knows she can talk to me and that I've requested that she talk to me about anything regarding my DD so we can fix whatever problem there may be.

So, I am also going to go to the school and have my DD talk with the school counsellor and I DO NOT  think it's fair that my DD and Y can not hang out just because this girl is jealous and her mom TOLD her not to be friends with my DD!! I think this is so effed up, and I think her mom pretty much instigated this whole situation, even if she did so without knowing... but STILL!!

So, my question is, after a super long story explaining everything... what should I do?? My goodness, they're only in 2ND GRADE!! WTF?? I'm so mad, I want to go to this girls house and chew her mom out, but I don't want her to call the cops saying I'm harassing her... AHHHHH!!! WHAT DO I DO?!

I'd really appreciate any suggestions. THANKS cafe moms!!


Asked by brandy0827 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 9 (335 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • I would want to know why the teacher felt that your DD and Y would benefit from not being allowed to play together. BTW what right does mother of X have to call the school and say to keep them all away from each other. She has the right to call the school and say keep X away from Y and your DD...but not to be the one to make the decision of separating all 3 individually.

    If I understood right, mother of X said it was about time a parent stepped in???? I would be wanting to know how the behavior (if any) of my child influenced all of this also. Sometimes we like to think our children are little angels and wouldn't be catty, and sometimes that's not the case and they are just as bad as the rest of the children. Good Luck to you, I hope you get it cleared up.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 2:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • WOW...ok. There is a little boy my son hangs out with who is very well behaved but he is loud and a bit on the hyper side, he isn't allowed to spend the night over here anymore, it's just to stressful on us and all others involved. His family does ask my son if he wants to go spend the night, the only problem with that is, DS comes home acting like this child. So the solution, they can play with each other at school. I think the best route to take is to explain to your DD that there are sometimes that kids are going to be mean and not like her, but that it is okay as long as they don't make fun of her or hit her. She's going to have kids who does not like her, it's better to prepare her for it now. As for your DD and Y not being allowed to hang out, you bet your bottom I would be at that school asking why not, and I would have the mother of Y in tow with me. X shouldn't be allowed to hang out with your DD & Y (continued)

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 2:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Let me see if I've got this straight. X in new, had a slumber party which your daughter went to, and has not been invited back for whatever reason. Your daughter and Y have been friends for a while now and spend a lot of time together. X is saying nasty, mean things to both girls and forcing Y to choose. You and Y's parents have tried to get in touch with X's parents with little to no real results. Finally Mom X contacts the school and says she wants none of the girls to hang out at school because Y was put into tears BY X from a note.

    IF I've got all that right it sounds to me like X is a manipulative little snot and mom is only encouraging it. I would go to the school, with Mom Y and talk with the principal and the school's counselor about the behavior of ALL THREE girls. X may just be feeling left out and jealous and is causing all this drama for attention from the other girls. It could be more though.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:08 PM on Feb. 20, 2011