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2 Bumps

How do I talk to my bestfriend about not sticking up for my son while he was at her house without losing her as a friend?

Yesterday my BF calls and wants me and my sons (4and2) to come over to play in the sand box with her and her daughter (4) . . while we were there she invites her neighbors kids over which are (9 the girl and 11 the boy) to play with us. No big deal well the playdate starts getting out of hand the girl (9) keeps telling my little boy(4) that she doesnt want to play her him that she only wants to play with my BF's daughter also(4) and that he can't . Well I start getting the feeling that its time to go and so I start gathering my sons things . I tell my oldest its time to go and I start to get them out to the car and the girl says thats good then because we are going back outside to play in the sand and didnt want them to go anyways... My BF hears this and doesnt say anything to the girl so I am outside putting the boys in the van and my Bf says well this is probly for the best ...you know this will happen in school kids not wanting to play with him and I said I know but for now I can get him out of the situation because he doesnt understand someone not wanting to play with his friend but not him he is only 4. So I leave well this is where I don't know what to say or do she calls last night and says are you mad at me and I told her no I was DISSAPPOINTED in how you handled the problem. adn she tells me that the girl did admit to being rude and mean to my son but my BF didnt say sorry for not doing anything at the time it happened.. I dont want to lose me Bf but my kids come first..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Feb. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Tell her how you feel and let the cards fall where they may. I certainly would not be rushing out to her house for playdates. Of course...I would have said something myself to the little girl. I don't understand why you didn't stick up for your child yourself. I understand it was her house...but this child was over twice the age of yours..I would not have let it go on.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 3:16 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Did you ever think that since she was bullying YOUR son that maybe YOU should've said something? It's not your friend's place to stick up for YOUR children. You are the parent and you are their protector, so if you think that something isn't right then you need to speak up for your child. What happens when you whitness another child hitting your child with their parent standing by. Would you wait for the other parent to say something or would you step in and let that child know it's not right to hit? I would surely hope that you'd step in and stand up for YOUR child. It doesn't matter that it was your friend's neighbor, that is YOUR child that she was bullying. It is YOUR job to stand up for your child.

    I think you made the wrong call by leaving. You only taught your child to run away from situations like that. You should've stood up to that little girl and asked her to play nice and be fair.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:41 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • It was your son being treated unfairly.. You said so yourself "my kid come first".. Why didn't YOU stuck up for him? It sounds to me like you didn't want to cause trouble or upset your friend because it would have been an awkward situation for you.. So who came first in that situation? Your kid or you?
    ObiRenKenobi

    Answer by ObiRenKenobi at 3:44 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I would have said something to the child myself. It really isn't your friend's responsibility to take care of the problem if you were there.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 3:22 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I find this to be rude period.  In a situation like that though I would have had the older kids playing together and the younger kids playing together.  I agree, 4 year olds don't understand that and I am upset because I can only imagine what that would feel like at that age.  I can see where you are disappointed but it seems to me like this issue is already resolved.  You told her how you feel and she responded.  Maybe not the way you wanted, but she did acknowledge that the behavior wasn't okay.  I would be on the look out in the future and see how she handles it next time.  I would have said something to the girl myself period. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:13 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Maybe your friend did not feel it was her place to tell the girl anything since she is not her child. Maybe she was just surprised and didn't know what to say and was embarrased? I agree the girl was rude. I've run into those and if the parent or caretaker says nothing I have nicely said to the child she/he had said something that was not nice. In one case the child said something to the parent, who only agreed with me. But there have also been times when I just picked up my kid and left. I've even had to deal with a child making racist statements and that's so very ugly coming from a child. I hope you never have to deal with that.
    You can express your feelings to your friend if you wish. But she is right that every child goes through this sort of thing and needs to learn how to deal with it. A good friendship will not be ruined from this. Good luck.
    saltycoqui

    Answer by saltycoqui at 3:20 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I would wonder why you would consider such an uncaring person your best friend. If she were your best friend she would have sent the neighbor kids home until you left with your boys. She is the one that invited you over, right??
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:36 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Why didn't YOU say something? YOU were sitting right there. It doesn't matter if it is someone else's house or not it is YOUR CHILD. NEVER expect someone else to stick up for your child, especially when you are there. Next time, open your mouth and tell the child that she is not being nice.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 3:55 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • As soon as I heard her being rude to him I got their stuff together and we left. I didn't feel like it was my place to make a seen at someone elses house.. thats why I got them together and we left I can tell when my kids arent wanted somewhere and it is time to go I just wish she would have said something to the girl then.. she knew it hit me that way when we looked at each other.. I thought I handeled the best way possible not being in my own home.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:22 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I'm glad you told her you were disappointed in the way it was handled. When it comes up again you might suggest she can tell those children to play nicely and only say nice things or they will be asked to go home. It's her home and they need to follow some rules.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 3:35 PM on Feb. 20, 2011