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4 Bumps

Am i a bad mom?

For telling my kids im not proud of them when they Finally get their room cleaned? ill spend ALLL day telling my kids to clean their room. Their 4 1/2 and 5 1/2. They will make up Every excuse in the book as to why they shouldn't have to. Anything from, my tummy hurts(they say that one every time its time to clean room) to, "well, i was at school all day so the baby did it!"(i clean the babies toys and i dont make them clean hers. and they don't clean their room everyday,so, most 95% is their mess. and the baby will put her toys away if asked) and this goes on all day. BUT if dad comes home and tells them they have 5 minutes to clean, they do it. Im not proud of the fact that i have to argue with them all day to get them to clean and dad comes home and snaps his fingers..obviously ive gone wrong somewhere. Please, no rude comments. Mature feedback only.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Feb. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (29)
  • I don't think it makes you a "bad" mom.  Why do they do what he says but then they don't for you?  Maybe taking some of dads discipline techniques will help you out with that.  :) 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 4:43 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I can't blame you.. my step-son does the same thing with me.. And I make sure his butt is sore if he doesn't listen.. I don't care if people think I'm a horrible step-mom.. he's a brat. Idk what to tell you though. Just ignore their excuses and talk to your husband about how you feel. Maybe he can figure something out.
    febmom007

    Answer by febmom007 at 4:46 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I would tell them that I would be more proud of them if they would do it when they are origninally told to do it rather than making you yell at them all day...how stressful for you!
    Maybe, given their ages, you could make it into a game of sorts...like I bet you Can't Clean Your Room In Under 15mins!
    Make it a contest!
    The winner gets a prize of picking out a sticker or something small.
    Games are a great way to bond with them and start initiative in kids that age.
    Missikat75

    Answer by Missikat75 at 4:46 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I agree with not praising them if you have to pry it out of them to get chores done, but personally I would never tell my children that I'm not proud of them. I would just tell them I would be much happier with them if they had done it in the first place. That doesn't mean you're a bad mom though, Bad moms don't care about their children.
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 4:47 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • It doesn't make you a bad mom, but kids know who they can fool around with and in this case it is you. You need to be consistent in whatever form of discipline you choose or else it won't work.
    older

    Answer by older at 4:48 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • OP: Dad's disciplining techniques are scarier than mine. we do spank our children if need be. i definately dont do it as hard and my oldest doesnt usually get spankings and if she does, a light tap is all it takes with her. my 2nd daughter could really care less, but she definately has a bond with her dad so maybe thats why she listens to him better. i try the same things he does and they'll run around me like they dont care! and i am a stern parent! i don't know what else to do!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:48 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Making them lay in their bed worked for me.  When they misbehave they have to lay on their bed.  They can't STAND it so it's working great. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 4:51 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • OP: @febmom, my husband always stands behind me no matter what i say to the children. i do ignore them when they tell me excuses. i get to the point where i say i dont care whats wrong, clean the room.
    @Missikat, i said exactly that to them..i wasnt proud of the fact that i had to argue alll day with them and dad comes home and makes it happen in 5 mins. ive also tried the reward system and that doesnt work either..ive even given them options on punishment and they will tell me theyd rather nap. neither one of them nap anymore and my oldest will nap if i make her but my middle hasnt napped since she was 1 1/2. she'll stay up and talk or play or anything that doesnt require sleep.
    @Older, that's Definately the case. Some days i can take the control back, others, complete chaos
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:54 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • A bad mom? Definitely not. I don't praise my daughter when I ask her time and time again to pick up her things in her room. Her picking up her things every evening before wind down time is expected. I let her know I appreciate her listening to me and picking her stuff up, but I'm not about to praise her for it.
    Nanixh

    Answer by Nanixh at 4:56 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • tell them if they dont clean up thier mess within a time period, you'll go in there and take them all away. if might take a few times but i am sure they wouldnt like it!!
    dreamangel06

    Answer by dreamangel06 at 4:57 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

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