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Oh come on...if i hear her say "my kids" one more time, i'm gonna scream

i know someone that just recently her long distance boyfriend, who she met online about a year ago, and visited twice in that year (states apart, i might add), just moved here in November. he has 3 kids from a previous marriage (wife left him and kids). i get it, they're all lovey dovey and blah blah blah. i would be too. stupid part: he came here on a whim. quit his job, got out of his lease, took kids out of school and just left. didn't even look for a job before he came. so here he is, 4 months later, still no job. but that's not what i'm aggrivated about. 3 days after they move here, she was already calling them her kids. she's always talking about how she's a mom, she even changed her hours at work because it's "so hard" to get off work late and deal with kids, cook dinner, ect. these kids are over the age of 5, younger than 10 (don't know the exact ages), which obviously can bathe, entertain and dress themselves. (i get off at 5pm with 2 kids ages 2 and 3, who can't do either, well, we're working on the dressing themselves, but they need a bit of help lol, and the entertainment is limited on how long it is :)
my issue: THEY'RE NOT HER FREAKIN KIDS!!! they JUST got here! what makes her even think she has the right to call them that (she's even got them calling her mom!!) how the heck is the dad even ok with this??? only thing i can think is blinded "love eyes", or he just wants a woman figure in their life and is happy they have one.
a few weeks ago, one of them had a rash on her arm (i work at the school they go to, so does the "mom". the dad was there cuz, well, he doesn't have a job. it's a private school) they decided to take her to the doctor. well, guess who took her. not the dad. nope. he sat there and read a book while she took HIS daughter to the doctor. (she has the paperwork and stuff to do all that) why the heck couldn't HE take her, when she was at work??? i was in the room during it all, there wasn't even a conversation over who was taking her. i guess it was just obvious she'd take her. ugh.
yesterday, while at her nephews birthday party (the nephew and my ds are friends) she was talking about the oldest wanting a birthday party just like that one, and how she said she thought she was too old for a party like that, she'll be 10, she can have like a sleepover or something. like she's been doing it for years. puh-leze. and the family is all into it. they're calling them her kids, their nephew and neices, grandkids.
i don't get it. how can you go from internet girlfriend to mom in a matter of 3 days??? can someone PLEASE explain this to me??? i've kept my mouth shut, as it's not my place to say anything. but i'm at my breaking point. i can't even look at her, for fear i might go off on her.
i know this is more of just a vent than anything, but aaahhh!!!

 
armywife43

Asked by armywife43 at 10:18 PM on Feb. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 21 (11,516 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I get where youre coming from. Some people want to play the part so bad. She complains about things such as gtting off work to deal with kids, because she wants to feel that burden because she feels needed. she doesn't understand yet what it means to be a mom, but she acts as though she has all along because she wants it. she repeats what she hears other moms say because thats the role she wants to play. the hard working mom who goes goes goes.
    its frustrating when youre in a hard situation and you percieve others situation as easier than yours, yet they complain about theirs.
    for example, I have twin toddlers and my brother has a 4 year old and a 4 month old.
    (i live with my mom and she is there for me like no other we do almost everything together)
    he said to my mom recently "its so hard to get the kids ready to go somewhere" and my mom and i, later, to ourselves were like LOL PLEASE DONT TELL US THIS. (continued below)
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 10:57 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • If the kids are being well taken care of why do you care? I hope it all works out for them because they've allowed a lot of emotional bonding to occur and kids will be hurt if it doesn't. In the meantime, it sounds like she's doing a pretty good job for becoming an instant Mom.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:30 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • Well obviously it isn't how you would do it, but give the lady a break. What a crappy friend you are to be so judgmental and rude about her and her choices. I don't really agree with what you have written either, but come one and let her figure it out.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 10:26 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • i can totally see how this is grinding your gears..... i am irritated and i do't even know her. i guess she is desperate and want to be loved by the boyfriend so she is going over the top. she wants to be needed it makes her feel better about her self.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 10:27 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • WOW I think shes great, who are you to judge her? what kind of example are you teaching your child? She excepted someone elses children unconditionally and she takes care of them I see no problem with that at all. While I do agree the gather should of taken the kid to the Dr. the rest I don't think you have a right to judge nor complain.

    wyattgrace

    Answer by wyattgrace at 10:48 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • your 4 year old can get ready on his own and wait fo ryou to get the baby ready, who, you can get ready and she wont "unready" herself. my boys run opposite directions and take their coats and shoes off and we can still get them ready to go somewhere in like twenty minutes (we're pros okay)
    we laughed about it because everyones situation is different and theyre not used to getting two kids ready even if they are easier to get ready than mine.
    to ease your frustration maybe think about how much she probably envies your life, because you are a mom.
    (but yeah i totally get where youre coming from)
    ElsaSalsaaa

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 10:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I just read your last post , and I have to say that you shouldn't judge her situation with how your's was. Frankly, and I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's none of your business. You don't know if the relationship is going to last or not, and as for her living with her mom, as long as you don't pay her bills it shouldn't matter. (Not being snotty just stating my opinion) If it bothers you as much as it seems, cut all ties with her. She sounds happy, and I think it's wonderful that her family has taken these children under their wings as their own....It's hard to find families to do that, especially when it's coming from a single man with children.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:59 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • I know some women like that. They yearn to have someone in their life that they are willing to do anything to keep these men. As for him not working she made a big mistake because he will always have a problem holding a job down b/c she is deemed a fool already. Men know what type of women to bring that to. Take a deep breath and sit back and wait, the end you will have your laugh. Desperate for love. Now you know why wife number one left his but. He is lazy and want to sit on his but while the woman take care of him. I say let her someone have to play the dumb role she just plays it better than most.
    scmedicalasst

    Answer by scmedicalasst at 10:40 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • i didn't even mention the part that she's still living with her parents (she's 30) and now they're all living with them...

    i told my mother and she said the same thing. she knew someone that did the exact same thing and it took a turn for the worst. i mean, i'm happy they found each other, love each other. they're planning on getting married this summer. i'm just irritated how the dad even could let them call her mom, or her call them her kids. i'm not sure why his first wife left them though. i never asked.

    one reason is cuz i've been there. when i was there age, my mom left my sis, me and my dad. he eventually got remarried, we called her mom, and it was all dandy at first, but i grew to resent her. she was changing things drastically (which is what this woman is doing, btw. making them eat what they don't like, saying she's gonna change them into what they "should" be) and i grew up hating her. ~cont~
    armywife43

    Comment by armywife43 (original poster) at 10:49 PM on Feb. 20, 2011

  • sooner or later ur friend will see the light..least on the boyfriend after sometime of her missing work or her busting her butt and him just enjoying the ride she will crack and tell him to get off his duff. but if she cares for the kids let her sooner or later the newness will wear off and she will be begging someone to watch the kids so she can have a night. shes new. but maybe shes trying to be better then there bm and wants them to have a good figure in there life. and shes trying to do that for them. but sooner or later she will crack and still care for the kids but might back off just a lil.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 10:49 PM on Feb. 20, 2011