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What to do, I dont feel appreciated or cared for most times?

My bf and father of my child says hurtful thing to me when angry, later on acts like it doesnt happen and im supposed 2 forget about it. I understand hes stressed but so a i, im going to school part time taking care of home and my 1yr old and looking for work, while helping with bills and my car. he works 11-7 so hes sleeps alot everyday n when he wakes up doesnt wana argue or talk about how i feel. What should I do?

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d22yvonne

Asked by d22yvonne at 11:48 AM on Feb. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Ask yourself what you're willing to put up with in a relationship & if you don't want to deal with his shit (which you should not want to) then you need to tell him that he needs to quit being a dick & that you will not put up with it because you want respect in a relationship. If he keeps it up, then make arrangements to go elsewhere to show him you are serious. If none of that works, then there is a chance he will never want to change.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:54 AM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • How can you possibly feel appreciated and loved when you're being abused? Whether you except it or not this isn't at all what love is supposed to be. Sure at times it's normal to disagree however, degrading one another, at any time is wrong and unexceptable. You need to both get someone to talk to, get a counselor and work this out if you plan to stay together. Remember this, your child will be watching and treating you the same, as well as his partner in life. You need to end the cyle, seriously, get help or get out. I'm not trying to be mean, please don't put up with it. You can't just forget it. Good Luck!
    chgomom

    Answer by chgomom at 11:55 AM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Ok I have been there with my SO. I was frustrated that I had to ask for needs that were reasonable needs, like rest, breaks, a respect that you are contributing in your own way. Do not nag, tell your SO that he is being selfish. He needs to hear it. Make him see that you have priorities and that they are just as important as his. HTH.
    2tinyhineys

    Answer by 2tinyhineys at 11:57 AM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • A lot of mommies feel like you do . . . at least some of the time. Being a hardworking mommy is the most important job in the world, but it usually doesn't come with raises and praises. :( That part sucks.
    So, men. Most of the time they handle things a bit differently. We need to discuss things and feel heard and appreciated. They can't stand that most of the time. When they get in fights with their friends, they can be awful, then they just don't talk for a while, and then they are best buddies again. Unwritten understanding that past is past. When we get in fights with our friends, we need to talk about it. If it doesn't happen, we end the friendship.
    seems like it is impossible to get the two to meet, doesn't it?
    Here's what you can do. Figure out what you DO need in the relationship that he CAN do, and tell him non-emotionally. "I need you to give me a hug when you get home, help with dishes, say you love me
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 11:59 AM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • cont'. Just be specific and be honest. He will be able to listen without switching to man-fight mode, and will know specifics he can do to keep you happy.
    Hugs . . . .
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:00 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • There's nothing you can do. He is who he is, and unfortunately, we do not have the power to change other people. He sounds like his basic problem is one of selfishness and that's not an easy thing to live with. I think you have two choices: you can either accept things the way they are and decide to be happy in spite of him or you can issue him an ultimatum and risk the two of you parting company. A selfish man is all too happy to have a woman who will work her butt off to take care of all the responsibilities while he contributes nothing unless it is something he just happens to want to do. In the age in which I grew up, young ladies were taught how to spot these losers before we ended up being married to one of them. I'm sorry to say that I don't think moms are teaching this to their girls today, and I'm equally sorry to say I don't think dads are teaching their sons how to be responsible adults. It is truly a shame!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:00 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • When we don't feel appreciated or loved, it usually comes from inside us.
    To have results from our environment, i.e. bf, we must first LOVE OURSELVES,
    FALL IN LOVE WITH LIFE, DO THE THINGS WE LIKE, AND BECOME LOVEABLE.
    This way we attract love from others.

    I understand you're both too young and oppressed with responsibilities.
    Ask yourself - or your husband - if HE FEELS LOVED AND APPRECIATED.
    I bet he feels like you. Sooooo, why don't you play the mutual appreciation game ?

    Find time for the two of you, do some fun stuff !!!
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 12:53 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

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