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4 Bumps

Why do some people think that if you dont see your child, you don't have to pay child support...

That would be like a parent not letting the other see a child if they dont pay it....

I am talking about my ex husband - we got divorced when I was pregnant with our son . At first he would see his son every couple of weeks , but then after he started dating his "baby mama" ( she is now pregnant with his 4th child - they have a 3 year old son, 2 year old son, and she is 7 months pregnant again) ..... he only seen my son every 4 or 5 months .... until he just stopped

of course through this time I had to go through the courts and have child support taken out of his paycheck...

Today I recieved a letter from his "baby momma" telling me how unfair I am being, because I have money taken away from THEIR KIDS.... and since he doesnt see my son , he shouldnt have to pay for my child.....

I never stopped him from seeing my son , I would have loved for my son to have his father in his life..... we live in the same town, there isnt even 10 mintues between our homes... but yet he hasnt seen my son in over 4 years ( my son is 6 ) ...

Even though I do have a good job, I own my own home, and can give my son whatever he wants... I dont think its fair to not make him pay something .... I dont think I should feel bad that he has a crappy job and is having a 3rd child with someone who wont work , I dont think I should have to feel bad that they have to live in PA housing and are food stamps....They KNOW they cant afford things and yet they are the ones who keep having kids who they cant afford .. why should MY son have to pay for their stupid actions ....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Feb. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (17)
  • Child support & visitation are 2 totally separate issues. Child support is NOT paying for the right to see a child. It is to help with the supporting of that child. Sounds like you need to talk to your attorney.

    Answer by specialwingz at 1:15 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • hugs

    No answer, just sympathy to you. HUGS! 


    Answer by CraftingMama at 1:15 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • He made 50% of your son..that is his responsibility. SHE is with a man who already had children. THAT was her choice. It was also her choice to pop out a baby every year. I watched my sister struggle as a single parent because her deadbeat ex put all his assests in his new wifes name and the courts reduced his CS order to 110 bucks a month for 2 kids. That didn't even buy groceries for ONE of them a month.
    If he chooses not to see your son that is his decision. Paying child support isn't a choice and his 'baby mama" needs to butt out. She's lame too for not encouraging him to actively persue a relationship with his father.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:19 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • *son (not father)

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:21 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Men like that make me so angry!!! Just because he made the decision not to have a relationship with his son, does not mean that takes away his responsibility of providing for that child. "Baby mama" needs to stay out of the situation. I wonder if she would feel the same if he left her and didn't want to pay to help support her children!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 2:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Keep that letter in a lock box or a safety deposit box. You may need that later.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 2:21 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • You shouldn't feel bad at all. He made that child with you, excepted the financial responsibilities, and should have thought about that before popping out 3 more kids. Period. Like you said, he decided not to see him anymore. But just because HE doesn't see his kid anymore, doesn't mean that your son doesn't exist now. He laid down and made him, he is responsible for 18 years.
    And his baby mama obviously knew about your son before having her kids, so she has no right to complain. And it is none of her business anyway. Yes it is her money, so to speak, as well, but your son came first, and she just needs to deal with it. Or get a job to support her own 3 kids...

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 2:57 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I can see both sides of this argument. My ex has no contact with our 2 kids. and NO not because I refuse him contact. HE LEFT US AND MOVED 1000 miles away, but he has our addy, phone numbers, everything. I continue to send him pictures though he's never contacted our kids without my calling him once in awhile, and even drove the 1000 mi to let him see them, on my dime. He doesnt pay child support, but in our state, it is virtually impossible to take a father's rights without signing them over. BUT that being said, my husband now has 2 kids from a previous marriage and his ex does him so wrong with them. She changes numbers and addy's all the time without telling him, only calling when child support is due, and he's seen them maybe 4 times in 3 years. I think that if a father sees or doesnt see their children they are responsible finacially. They helped make the child, and regardless of where their lives took them

    Answer by sissy4444 at 3:04 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • cont- after that child is born, they have that fincial right to that child. Honestly, he seems like a dead beat. I would ask him if he wants to give up rights to his child. Make it seem like the deal of a lifetime: he gets to keep on living his pitiful life with the new wife and all their kids, and doesnt have to worry about this one, as your doing so well for her. And when she asks one day, it will be his doing, not yours that took him out of her life. He doesnt deserve that child. You live 10 min from him and he cant even visit or CALL her??? That sounds like my ex, and honestly i think my children would be much better off if he just signed his rights. My kids dont deserve to wonder why their father cant contact them, and neither does yours! best of luck!

    Answer by sissy4444 at 3:07 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • my personal opinion, and I wish to hell this had been an option for me. Ask him to sign the rights away and forgive him the child support. The little money you get from him in no way is worth the heartache you and your son have to deal with. It would be better for both of you if he was completely out of your lives. Financial support means always having to answer to and inlclude an asshole in your life. Cut him loose now if he will agree and your son can look up the deadbeat when he is 18 if he wants, in the meantime, you will not have to worry if he decides to resurface later

    Answer by shivasgirl at 3:13 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

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