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11 Bumps

Do you know what happened to me yesterday? Sad story.

My mom is a hardline Baptist Rapture-ready Christian. I was raised this way but I have a seeker's heart and have always been open to other ideas and philosophies which drives my mom insane. I am in my 30's now, married with happy children, and have finally found a measure of peace in my life after being brainwashed (attempted anyway) and traumatized during my life by mother, even though of course it's all because she loves me. For the last few years, I have basically been agnostic and am done with debating people over their beliefs, but mom just won't leave me alone. Every time I am with her, she corners me and tries to argue and debate and tells me "jesus is coming", I'm sure you know the drill of the fanatical. I normally just try to placate her by nodding and not engaging her in a debate about it, because it's POINTLESS. This woman is a complete zealot. I've tried for the sake of our family to be tolerant of her.

Yesterday we went to my parents house and as soon as we got there, my mom started in on me. I wasn't in the mood for it and basically told her I didn't want to hear it today. She flew off the handle and said the ugliest, most hurtful things to me. She attacked me as a human, criticized my parenting and told me that I am leading my children into hell where we'll all be going. (except her of course; she's got that direct line to God that no one else has) She said that obviously it would be her responsibility to "save" my children. I won't even go into the other things that she said to me, some of it front of my kids before my husband got them out of the way and out of earshot. She ripped me to shreds all because I don't share her brand of Christianity. I never even told her I was agnostic in an attempt to spare her feelings and spare her any worry because she is TERRIFIED of hell.

I'm crushed. Heartbroken. My mother has never liked me (she really hoped all her kids would be missionaries), but this is just so completely messed up. She talked shit about my kids and how I parent them. That crosses so many lines. I don't know that I can ever move beyond that, especially since I can guarantee you there will never be an apology or acknowledgment of the pain she caused ,just like there has never been an apology for anything she's ever done. After all, she's "righteous". For the record, I have GREAT kids who are kind and respectful and do well in school.

I don't really know what my point is. I guess I just wanted to put it out there and get some feedback on the situation from Christians, non-Christians, whoever. Do you think that when people get this fanatical that it crosses into the realm of delusion or mental illness? Why is she so hateful?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Feb. 21, 2011 in Religious Debate

Answers (41)
  • She sounds movie-like MENTAL. eek. Don't take it to heart...it may be difficult but try to shrug it off and let it go....for your own sanity purposes if anything.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 1:44 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Oh, I am so sorry. That is so hurtful.

    You can always tell her that you love her very much, and that you are certain that her God does not want her to be hurtful and hateful to his children. Suggest that she seek counseling from her minister/pastor. That might start her on the road to accountability.

    Every time she starts to act up, politely say, "We love you mom." grab the kids and leave. You will be setiing an example to your children that you do not have to stick around with abuse or engage in it, at all. She will soon realize that if she wants to visit with you guys, she must remain respectful and kind. You will also know that you took the loving road . . . both to your mom and yourself.
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 1:45 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • So sorry to read about your situation. I don't think your mom is 'borderline', I think that she TRULY believes that her beliefs are right and the ONLY way! I grew up with PLENTY of people like her and it's all too familiar. They get angry at you because they think that you are challenging God. They say hateful things because ... well I don't know the answer to this. I guess she attacked your parenting skills because she thinks that your children may make the wrong choices in life.
    It sounds like she's extremely stubborn and wants everything her way!
    I hope that you can talk to another family member like your father, aunt, uncle who can be the mediator between you 2. Maybe you can express your feelings that way.
    If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't visit very often but I know that will hurt everyone.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 1:54 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • hugs

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 1:56 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • ImaginationMama, u hit it on the head!!! What a great answer.
    Alexias30

    Answer by Alexias30 at 1:56 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Thank you, ladies. I really appreciate each and every comment and suggestion.
    Alexias30, you are right. She most definitely is not borderline, she is obsessed. I'm telling you, we can't have a conversation about anything without her turning into a sermon. It's maddening. But again, I've tried to deal with it respectfully so as to keep the peace (which I thought was supposed to be important for Christians?). She was over the top yesterday. There is no one to mediate. Every one else is afraid to speak up to her, including my dad. I think he knows it's wrong, but for the sake of his marriage, he just stays out of it. I feel so alone.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:01 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I'm so sorry. I know first-hand what that can be like, except I was one of the children and no one ever bothered to usher me away!!! This is the very reason that I embrace and celebrate the value in every religious/spiritual path/choice! I practice the religion I was brought up in, but I came to that on my very own after a period of questioning and seeking, and I still embrace and celebrate all the other cultures and traditions, religions, and spiritual journeys.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 2:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I sorry.  I think I would just stay away for awhile you don't need this and your kids don't need to be around it. Hopefully someone else in your family can get through to mom, but it doesn't have to be you. 

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 2:07 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Anonymous: She is hateful because she does not know how to love herself. We are incabable of loving others if we do not love ourselves. Your mother is hurting deeply inside... wounded in ways I believe are HUGE. She is also trying to do things her way rather than letting God have His way. What was her upringing like? That will give you clues of why she is this way today. Just like you turned away because of how you were raised , she is holding on to her faith like there is no tomorrow and is not learning how to let go and let God be in charge. I will step out on a limb and say that she is angry at God and is taking it out on you. When you look at it from this perspective, may it soften your heart toward your mom. She truly needs prayer and to be loved but she needs to be able to receive that love and only God can give it to her. My heart breaks for your mom and you because she could ..... continued....
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:13 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • have a beautiful relationship with you without ever mentioning Jesus.... all she needs to do is be the light but she is wanting to control where that light goes. It is sad but not all her fault, she just doesn't understand His love yet.

    I hope this puts things in a better perspective you. You do need to inform her of bounderies and that talking about Jesus is off limits for now. She needs to gain your trust and love and she needs to learn to honor and respect you. Do not be mean about it, if you have to write a letter using gentle but firm wording to get your point across. :-)
    I hope this helps!
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:16 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

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