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Different parenting skills/methods ruining daughters behavior

When my daughters father was completely absent she was a well behaved well rounded and good girl. Now that is somewhat around she is the complete opposite. When we eat I want her to sit at the table and sit still, no toys and playing around and drink once you are through with your food. He believes she can run around and play and drink while she is eating. When we are at a store he thinks if I get to the store and she wants to leave then I need to drive back home until she wants to go the store. I think If I drive 40mins to the store to get something she is going to wait until I am done and we can go home. When its bedtime she likes to say she is hungry over and over just to stay up. I tell her no food and she can have a glass of milk if she likes but its bed time. He thinks she can watch tv, eat as long as she wants and not listen to me. My daughter is 3 and like most kids make up stories he believes that he should take what she says and not question it. I believe to speak to my daughter to find out if its true or is she been silly.

the list can go on and on. We are not together but I allow him in my home to see her since he has visitation. (he manages to miss every visitation--that in itself is a complete different story) well I cant take this anymore. We went to the store the other day and he was running around with her putting her on th counter and just making so much noise it was embarrassing. When it is only my daughter and myself she is so well behaved people compliment me that she is so little and so well behaved but now she turning into a child that does not know how to behave. She will not listen to me because in all her fathers opposing parenting techinques he will get loud in my face and she everything revolves around her and shes the child so I have to let her do what she wants when she wants and my daughter sees this and knows if she does something bad or that I dont agree with that he will go against me when I want to talk to her and ask her to listen.

what should I do? I am now just not going to let him in my home and on outings with us but if he is alone with her what should I do?

This is also a man that has taught my daughter to call me a bitch. He has taken me to court to fight for custody and visitations but never makes the vistations. Whenever we go to court the judge and po sides with him and everythig I say is a lie. This man was not a aprt of my daughters life for about 2 yrs and still now I have to beg him to come see her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Feb. 21, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (13)
  • Wow. I do not know what to say.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:01 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I would have a serious sit down discussion with him and let him know that it is NOT okay for him to let her behave this way. It's confusing to her and consistency is what she needs.  Telling her to call you a bitch is absolutely unacceptable and you can request a different judge.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:01 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • He also thinks if I am busy and she is calling me I need to stop what I am doing immidately and answer her. If I am on the phone paying a bill or at the cashier in the store he says I must stop walk away and do what she is asking me or he will make a scene.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:01 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Well he should respect you enough to where if he's been invited on something, he lets you parent. That is YOUR time.

    Unfortunately, this is very common during splits. You can try to talk to him about it but it is not likely going to do anything. You just do your best. Teach her right from wrong in your home, and then take a few days each time she gets back to get her back into the swing of things when she returns from his house.

    You are wrong with begging him to come see her. That is not your fight. It's his. You should be using that precious time with your daughter. So, I kind of have to say you might be instigating this a little bit. He might be doing this out of spite, so maybe you will quit calling and begging him to come for visitations.

    With that, document. Unless HE calls YOU, do not call him. Track it for 6 months or so and then present it to the judge. You should make him meet you at a facility which does
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 3:02 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I would quit "begging" or even asking him to visit her. You can also suggest next time you guys go to court that he takes parenting classes (first-time parent) -- and if he doesn't, he wouldne be complying with the court order. I would also teach her to not say bad words (as I know YOU have) -- I would still sit mine in a time-out and tell her it's for the word that (dad taught her) -- I would also tell him that she gets consequences for this (and hopefully he doesnt want her getting consequences). I live far away from the store as well -- so when we make that trip -- WE ARE GOING IN! If she mis-behaves (alot) we go outside and wait it out -- I usually tempt her with good behavior like a ride on the little pony thing or....something she likes to do at home. Whatever you do -- stick with what you tell her! My DD is the same age!
    BaileysMom476

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 3:02 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I will try to request a different judge. I have requested supervised vistations and that he been ignored given the history that we have had. I will love it was no vistation at all.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:02 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I think it's best for both you and your child that this "father" of hers is not in her life. He's treating you like shit and you both deserve better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • supervising. And yes, HE will have to pay for this. But to be honest, it'd be better than getting her ready to meet him and he never show. Also I can guarantee it'd cut down on his lollygagging ways because he would be responsible every time he makes an appointment, regardless if he shows or not.

    GL
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 3:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • that sucks, all I can suggest is taking him back to court. Are his visitations mandated supervised? If so, have someone else supervise. I think you need to remove yourself from their relationship. Dont beg him to come see her. Set a time, if he doesnt show up, mark it in a journal and move on. Let him call you when he wants to see her. After about 6 months, you should have a pretty good record to show the judge.The thing is, no judge is going to keep a father from seeing their child, unless there is a danger present. You are not going to be able to change his parenting style, and he cant change yours. This is the sad part about having kids with people we dont click with. I did this with my first husband. We fought over everything about our son, but nothing ever changed and n o compromise was ever met. Our son is now 22 and Iwish I had never had a child with his father, I am happy I had my son, but not his dad
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 3:05 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • Stop inviting him, or even allowing him over. Don't take him on outings with you. If he wants to see the child let him come at his scheduled visitation times, and if he misses those keep track of that for your next court date or if you request a modification or supervised visits. It sounds like things were going great before he came back into the picture so go back to the way it was then, use your parenting techniques that were working and make him learn that he has to play by the rules if he wants to see his daughter. It sounds like he doesn't follow rules himself, wants special treatment from you, as in he doesn't have to visit when he is supposed to because you will let him come over anytime, and he doesn't have to step up and parent on his own (which isn't so easy) because he can just come and criticize you doing it instead. Put a stop to it and get things back on track. Good luck!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:11 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

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