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3 Bumps

Are there any step moms on here that raised their kids with their husbands and bio mom wasn't around much?

I refer to my kids as "mine" because I raised them for years with my husband, their bio mom only called once a week to check in and they only saw her for a few days 2 or 3 times a year. Anyone with a similar situation?

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Asked by notthebiomom at 3:40 PM on Feb. 21, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I kind of have the opposite situation. I have a 2 year old son, my DF will be his step-dad in a few months, bio dad is not very involved, calls a few times a year - hasn't seen my son since last April. He says he won't call to talk to his own son because I have an "attitude problem".

    Answer by CC1109 at 5:03 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • i am raising my step kids. i call them mine, because they are. the bio mom hasn't seen them in 4 years, talks to them 2 or 3 times a year. the youngest is 6 and doesn't remember her mom at all. she tells people i am her mom. most people don't know that they are my step kids at all.

    Answer by happy-go-lucky at 6:20 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • I felt that way for many years, but now that my children are adults BM decided she wants to be "mom" again. She lives near them for the first time in 25 years! They have accepted her back into their lives and now I feel quite insignificant. Just amazed at the turn-a-round. I was the there for them all the years they needed a mom but now they are having children of their own and it's as if she never left. For the first time I feel like a "step" after feeling like "mom" for so many years...this hurts and I don't quite know how to make it stop.

    Comment by notthebiomom (original poster) at 6:31 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • YES- i raised both of my Stepsons & their BM had very little to do with them- every 6 months or so she would send them a card or call- she went 5 years without seeing them; it is Unbelievable how some Mother's can do this! They are now 21 & 26- To them i am their Mom; they come to me with all the good & all the bad that is going on in their life-

    Answer by daisyb at 10:25 PM on Feb. 21, 2011

  • You're very fortunate! My kids are now both in their early 30's and now refer to me as their "step-mom" they use to introduce me to others as their mom or my husband and I as "my parents", but now that she has made her presence back in their lives I've had to take the back seat. Up until just a few years ago they always spent Mother's Day with me, now I haven't had the pleasure of sharing it with them since they have both had a child of their own, she gets the honor. It's difficult for me, and once again as May approaches I am not looking forward to it!

    Comment by notthebiomom (original poster) at 2:58 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Yes. I have a seventeen year old sd who has lived with us since she was 8 years old. I consider her my child but I also know that she has a mother. As insignificant of a role the mother plays in her life, I always make sure that my sd never disrespects her mother and I always encourage the relationship. I figure that regardless as to the role that I play in her life, she does have a birth mother and one day, my sd will be all grown up and maybe by that time, all the hard work we've done to raise her properly will show to her mother.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:47 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • i am sorry to hear that .....Do they know how hurt you are feeling maybe your husband should calmly talk to them about it they may with the excitemant of having thier own children not realise how hurt you are...Are they your only children do you have any bio kids?

    Answer by peace013 at 12:43 PM on Feb. 26, 2011

  • I really don't know. There seems to be a kind of wall they have created and they "don't want to talk about the past" All I can figure is that this will be the only time in their childrens' lives that she will be able to relate because once they get a little older, well let's put it this way...she stopped being a mom when they were quite young (like 6 and 10), so she won't be able to give parenting advise too far beyond the baby stage! Our youngest told me once there is no memory of bio mom & dad as a couple and I heard her telling her aunt many years ago that I was more like a "mom" to her than her own mom. I wonder if she remembers this? It's like they have chosen to forget all the good we did so they can embrace her and her husband (he's another story!)

    Comment by notthebiomom (original poster) at 11:30 AM on Mar. 2, 2011

  • I have been raising my ss since he was three, At that time his mom didn't even call or see him. When he awas five she decided she wanted to see every other weekend so we let her.... Everything was going ok they even started to get to know each other, but then when my ss was eight She told him that she was moving 3000 miles away. She promised shed call and keep in touch. She never calls him. I have to hold and young my boy when hes crying. He's twielve now and hasn't seen his mom since age eight and I can count on one hand how many time shes called him. He is my son, I would never treat him any differantly. I've loved him since he was three years old and wanting mommy, and he looked up at me and asked me if I will be his new mommy? Always

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 7:58 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

  • NOPE!

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 8:08 PM on Mar. 7, 2011

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