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2 Bumps

How to handle a 16 yo who's depressed about a boy

A friend has a 16 year old daughter who is failing several classes at school, and it finally came out that it's because she's bummed out about a boy she likes. (They've been friends since elementary school. From what my friend told me, her daughter has kissed the boy, but that the boy has said he's not into her like she is into him.)

Her daughter goes to private school and has always done well in school. As, honors classes, even some AP classes this year. My friend is threatening to pull her out of private school and put her in public as punishment (because, she says, why should they pay for her to fail). As someone who also changed schools as a teen, I told my friend it SUCKED and made me rebel more - I actually started failing my classes after that (and shaved my head, started sneaking out, etc.). The best advice I could give her was to speak with her daughter's guidance counselor, or maybe find a peer/big sister for her daughter to speak with.

Anyone been or is going through something similar? Any advice to offer? My friend is at her wits' end, and I worry that she might actually go ahead and pull her daughter out of her school. (Or maybe that's not such a bad thing??)

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phoofy

Asked by phoofy at 12:05 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 14 (1,655 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I do understand your concern. How long has she been at that school? Sounds like she is depressed. Counseling wouldn't hurt. Why doesn't her mom and her have a girl's night out and have some fun and maybe she will open up about it. There are a lot of other boys out there and she shouldn't single herself out over one boy. What about the other boys, maybe if she opens up to more people, she will get a chance to know some other boys. It sounds like there is the possibility that since they were friends when they were young, has changed since they have gotten older. I, myself was friends with a boy next door in elementary school, but things did change when we got older. She's too young to think about one boy when there are plenty of fish in the sea.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:18 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Are you close to the daughter? Perhaps you could talk to her. It sounds like she's having self esteem issues or that she feels she needs a man to be important or for her to have a purpose. Explain to her that this boy is the first of many. He's not important even though it feels like it right now. Tell her about the importance of getting good grades and making a future for herself and that it's important to be happy on her own before she can be happy with another person. Let her know that she does not need to define herself by who she's with but by who she is.
    MamaStuart

    Answer by MamaStuart at 12:21 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Her daughter's been in the same school since elementary - it's a K-12 private school - so pulling her out would mean taking her away from pretty much everything and everyone she has ever known. My friend takes her daughter out, just the two of them, to strengthen their relationship, but I guess the daughter just can't get her mind off the boy. Unfortunately, I'm not close to her daughter, else I would offer to speak with her. (They also have a son who is my son's age, which is how I know them.) My friend has speculated about her daughter's crush for a while, and I remember telling her that there's really not much she can do other than to be there for her when/if she does get her heart broken. I do sympathize with her daughter though - I remember at 16, whatever issues I was having felt like it was the most important thing in the world!
    phoofy

    Comment by phoofy (original poster) at 12:32 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Other than being supportive and trying to distract her there is not much anyone can do. It is part of living and learning and at the sweet age of 16, she will encounter a few more heartaches in her lifetime.
    older

    Answer by older at 8:39 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I feel it would be a bad thing to take her out of the christian school at this point!!..She maybe getting bad grades... BUT, that I feel this not the answer!!..My husband and I had our daughter in a christian school until she went to 8th grade..Wow, it was a tragedy for her at first..Took her a year to adjust..And no she did not have boy troubles!.She is doing fine now she is in 10th..Our reasonings for taking her out were financial at the time..was considering putting her in christian school, but she has adjusted well and said it would be hard to adjust again!..So what I am saying is talk to your friend about not taking her out!!..A suggestion is counseling for her and your friend..let your friend know that their is lots of information out their.. maybe look on line for a support group in her area or church group.
    mumstheword155

    Answer by mumstheword155 at 10:22 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Well, I think the bad grades is a huge problem. It is understandable that she is feeling bad but allowing it to effect her grades is unacceptable. I would punish her for the bad grades, and then talk with her about what could help her feel better. Maybe she would like to see a counselor or something. If she doesnt want help though, she better stop letting it effect her school work. I am 17, a mother, a wife, living on my own with a ton of bills, and I am still in high school getting good grades. You cant let little bumps in the road kill your future.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 1:27 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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