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2 Bumps

Dating a guy going through a divorce with two teenagers?

I am currently dating a guy with two teenagers and he is going through a divorce. He gets the kids during the week when he is off and every other weekend. His ex wife or soon to be anyways harrass him with text message and phones calls and it drives me insane bc its stupid stuff. She got the kids cell phones and told him he has no say over them! But what about when they go to his house he should have complete say over them I think! What do ya'll think..?? My guess is if its going to start a problem stop it before it starts? Also how do ya'll feel about the mother living with the guy she cheated on the father with? Dating someone with teenagers is all to new to me..

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123Mommy123

Asked by 123Mommy123 at 3:04 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • well im 22 years old. so i can kinda relate to this question. if the cell phones are at his house its his rules. if the mother doesnt like the fact over his rules tell her that the cell phones have to stay at her house till the vistitation is over with. the teens will hate you for it because the cells are thier life. but you gotta see what fits. and the whole issue with the mom living with the man she cheated on him with isnt your concern thats how alot of drama is started and it isnt nessasary at all. just make sure you send the teens the right message that cheating isnt right.
    shellychivell

    Answer by shellychivell at 3:22 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • There is not much you, yourself can do or say in the matter. You are his girlfriend and he and his soon to be ex share children. You don't need to try to parent the teens unless you are a Step-Mom. The best thing you can do is just be there for your BF and stay out of the parenting for now. I wish you the best of luck
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:23 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • thanks for the answers... just so you guys know.. I don't try to parent the teenagers, I am aware that can cause problems mainly why the father and I are no more then dating atm. We are extremly close and we do have future plans. Being I have went through a divorce and have two children of my own I know how hard it can be. I was just wondering about the cell phone question because it was his time with the children a few weeks ago when just the daughter had a cell phone that both parents were paying for, and she didn't want to do what her father was going to do which was meeting my children and me at the parade and all of us watch it together, so she texted her mom and caused a big fight to where the mom harrassed him with hundreds of phone calls and thousands of texts, until he finally gave in and took the children to her. I do not think this is right at all, and if mine were to do that, I do have to say I would throw the
    123Mommy123

    Comment by 123Mommy123 (original poster) at 3:36 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • 'she texted her mom and caused a big fight to where the mom harassed him with hundreds of phone calls and thousands of texts, until he finally gave in and took the children to her'

    Sounds like that something that he and the wife need to work out. granted the daughter sent the mom a text about it, but I personally don't think that's the main problem. If she wants to complain to mom about something your husband wanted her to do, then she'll be able to with or without the phone. At most she would just have to wait until she saw her mom to tell her.

    You brought up a good point. Sounds like she didn't want to go to a parade with you and your kids. She has a right to feel how she feels. She probably has a lot of feelings about all this, part of that may be that her parents are still married, yet she's having you and her children pushed on her.
    Maybe she's just not ready for all that yet.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 10:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • When I was a teenager my dad was dating some woman with kids while he and my mom were getting a divorce. He tried to get me to meet her and be all buddy with her kids and wouldn't have anything to do with it.

    In my case I knew that there was a good chance that she wouldn't last, so why should I have been forced to know her or her kids?
    I was right, she was gone in about 3 months.

    this girl may feel the same way. You aren't married to him regardless of the plans that your feel you have. It may all work out, but this girl has been hurt enough as it is, is it really that essential that she be pushed into a relationship with you and your kids right now?
    Why not just give her some time?
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 11:32 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Well first of all stop allowing it to bother you. This man chose to have children and a very long term relationship with this woman for some reason. The fact they were married this long is going to lead to some ugliness. Its just the nature of the beast. As for the cell phones I have to disagree with other moms here. If I am the one paying for my teens to have phones then I alone have a say in how they are used, when and all of that. If the dad has a problem with the kids at his home it is his job to discipline them, however he cannot use a tool like the cell phone to do that. He can take away something else, or call mom and explain why they are abusing it and see if they can come up with an agreement together.
    Second, just some advice as someone with teens & a husband who came into a relationship with teens. Be their friend. Dont try to be a mom. You never will be to them.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:25 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I think the father would do well to really focus on his kids when he has them. The divorce isn't even final yet and he wants to take the kids out with his girlfriend and her children? That would not sit well with me if I were his child. For the dad he has probably wanted out of his marriage for a long time, he is an adult and has accepted his divorce and is probably happy with you and excited about this new love in his life. That is not how his children feel right now, not even a little bit. They are teenagers, that's hard enough without going thru a divorce and your parent's having new love interests that you're expected to be around. He should stay home when he has the kids and see you when he doesn't and give things more time.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:28 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Sorry, I guess I kind of got off on a tangent and didn't really answer your phone question. I think the Dad should state that if he can't make rules regarding the phones, or take them away if need be while the kids are at his house, then the phones should stay at Mom's when the kids come over. Afterall, she bought them, as she loves to point out,s o maybe they shoudl stay at her house. I would think that any threat to the kids of their not being able to have their phones would inspire them to come up with a compromise because heaven knows kids need their phones like air and water these days. LOL. If I were him I would tell them if they can't have rules with him about the phones then they stay at Mom's or he takes them as soon as they get to his house and puts them away until they go home. Mom can't control that even if she thinks she should be able to. She can complain but not much else. Good luck.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:32 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

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