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What would you do if your child came home from spending time with grandparents and said "i want to go to church because i'm afraid i will go to hell"

we do not go to a church for many reasons. 1) i have to work on service days. 2) i don't want to take my child to any brain washing services. I have allowed my grandparents to take him though but it seems as though he has already been brainwashed there...they go to some southern baptist church...either there or by my grandparents he has been brainwashed idk. my grandparents are good, loving people. they are very christian and firm in their beliefs...i don't want to be too upset with them or ban my son from visiting with them over this. I just don't know how to talk to them about this and i don't know how to tell my son he wont go to hell. He argued with me saying "jesus gets mad if you don't go to church." WTF

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Asked by shay1130 at 7:50 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • Oh, and he doesnt go regularly with them.. he only visits every once in a while. like every couple of months. he does usually come back talkin about jesus..which is fine..but he has never come home saying this nonsense

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 7:51 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I would have deep reservations about ever letting him go with them again.

    Answer by SWasson at 7:55 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • That's pretty harsh to say to a child. I think I would limit the overnite visits to a Friday night sleepover, so no more Sunday services about a vengeful God. Tell him he can talk or pray to God or Jesus any time he wants to & that as a child of God, he is loved. He's too young to worry about eternal damnation. GL

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:56 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • well, the thing is ..they live 3 hours when they do get him its usually for school breaks. it does help me out a lot with me having to work and all. Like i said, they have always been very loving people...they love my son to death. i don't know why they would say this. i don't know if maybe someone at their church may have.

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 8:00 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Just ask them if they know whats being taught in Sunday school. Alot of times parents or grandparents in this case dont know because they are in adult service. Tell them you have no problem with your child learning about Christ and their faith but dont want them to be scared into it.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:09 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Since your grandparents are "good, loving people," then sitting down with them and having a calm conversation about your concerns should not be a problem. You have, I assume, known them all of your life, have had opportunity to watch how they live their lives, and trust their jugment to at least some degree, so you should not be worried about upsetting them. To answer your question, if my child came home and said that to me, I would probably tell him that he could go to church. It might depend on his age. The truth is that a lot of very well-adjusted happy people go to church and are not religious nuts--just like your grandparents--and if it brings the child peace of mind, then where's the harm? I think you really have to weigh all the factors and ask yourself which will cause your child the greatest harm. If he loves and admires his grandparents, and you damage that, it could be worse than letting him go to church.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:12 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • We have a similar problem in that my parents are fundies, and I *know* what they desire to expose my children to. We have had several lengthy conversations which have ended like this 'If you truly love, and desire to have contact with your grand children then you *will not ever speak with them regarding religion*. Ever. Period. Do not even speak the name of your god-man. If they speak a single word of your religion after a visit, then visits shall not continue until my child has been deprogrammed, and you will only have supervised visits."

    It took a couple of drastic, tie severing, not allowing visitation incidents for them to actually get the point. They have their religion, other people have theirs... You NEVER cross the line of indoctrination with someone else's child. Period.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 8:21 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • First off, I'd be pissed as hell!! NO ONE has the right to scare the shit out of my child like that! It is wrong on so many levels.

    I would have a long talk with the people who told my child that and I'd explain why I don't think it's ok and I'd appreciate such things to be refrained from being said to my child. If that is not possible, he would not be able to attend church with them any longer.

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 8:36 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I would be seriously upset (especially since we don't believe in hell), and would be sure to sit down and express how much it bothers me and how much I don't agree with it. My child probably wouldn't be allowed to go to church with that set of grandparents anymore (though my parents don't push the hell thing - I think my mom rejects the concept as well) and I would be sure to make it known that the topic of religion would be off limits after that - meaning I would expect them to refrain from telling my child anything else about God/faith/etc. I would make it clear that even if he asks they need to tell him to ask us. If they couldn't respect that they wouldn't be allowed to see him without one of us there. This is something I've actually given thought to before, since the inlaws are rather fundamentalist and I refuse to have my son indoctrinated behind my back, or for anyone to go behind what I plan on teaching him.

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 8:43 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I'd tell him Jesus doesn't get mad. I left the church bc of the Southern Baptist brainwashing. I searched all the other religions I could and ended up making my own decision to return to Christianity. If you worry about brainwashing then encourage him to check out all religions then it's his decision.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:44 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

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