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3 Bumps

They didn't want visitation because the kids are sick????

I have custody and my ex has visitation with our 2 girls (8 and almost 10). He gets them one weekend a month and it was supposed to be this weekend (since it was a 4 day weekend) he was supposed to pick them up on Thursday evening and drop them off Monday evening. However, on Tuesday, they both had to stay home from school because they got the stomach bug. They stayed home Wednesday and Thursday also. Well Thursday afternoon, their dad called and said that if they are still sick, him and his wife don't want them this weekend. They were not 100% but they were over most of it. He said he doesn't want to risk him or his wife getting sick and having to miss work Meanwhile, I had to miss 3 days of work to care for them (like a parent does) and I also got the bug. I told him that this is his visitation, just like I can't just cancel a visit because I feel like it, he doesn't get to cancel because he doesn't want them that weekend. Was I wrong to except him to take them? I mean they weren't throwing up anymore (if they were, I wouldn't want them in a car or anything that would make it worse) they were just a little weak. I mean this isn't babysitting, it is parental visitation. Why is it ok for me to have them while they are sick and miss work and get sick myself but it's not ok for him? He also thinks he is getting them next weekend!!! I told him no way, this was his weekend, if he doesn't want them this past weekend I can't make him but he is not getting another one. I really can't believe that a parent would say they don't want their children in their home.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • My ex husband would refuse to see my daughter when she was sick. He'd get mad because I wouldn't warn him before he came over. His thing was that he didn't want to have to put up with her. When my daughter got older and he was able to deal more directly with her, he'd call her and ask if she was sick. If she said "yes" he wouldn't come. Eventually my daughter kicked him out of her life.

    Answer by cecyh9 at 1:11 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I would remind him that the visitation agreement states THIS is HIS weekend and if he does not take them on "his turn" this weekend he does not get them again until his 'next turn' as you WILL NOT give up "your weekend time" with the girls. I would also document this and hand a copy to your lawyer and be sure to tell ex you are going to inform your lawyer that he is trying to back out and change the visitation agreement.

    Answer by MizLee at 9:04 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I actually prefer my kids to be with me while they are sick and immediately after. It bothers me to no end when they are sick at their dad's because I don't know what kind of care he's giving them, if he knows the type of meds they like and what works, and whether or not he's keeping enough fluids down them. But I would never stay away from my kids because they were sick, and I wouldn't change weekends with him either.

    Answer by missanc at 9:02 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Well non custodial fathers seem to go by different rules. I have 4 kids at home with me and 3 of them visit their dad on weekends. Their dad rarely shows. He has only come a handful of times since we divorced in 1998. He has used the oh they have been sick excuse many of times. He has also used Ill come the next weekend and get them and then when I say no because the court order is clear what weekends he has he says I am denying him contact. Its all a big game in my eyes anymore.
    I dont think you are wrong for telling him no on a make up weekend. Unless your court order is specific about that then he has to learn to take his weekends with his kids regardless of what he wants or how he wants them to be. Life stinks sometimes and kids get sick. Its a part of parenting. Youre either in it 100% or youre not.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:17 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I hate custody issues! No, you were not wrong to expect him to take them! they are his too!!! That was an ugly, selfish move on his part. Your Being angry is not going to make things any better for your kids, or for you though. I agree that he should have to wait to see them, unfortunately, this means the little ones have to wait, too... but this is setting things up for the future. sorry you have to deal with that junk. I would have them call him every single day, and tell him how much they missed seeing him... letting him know this is not about him and his feelings but about the children's. maybe something will click. Just maybe...;)

    Answer by Ms.Christina333 at 1:18 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • My father would not take us when we were sick and it made for a long weekend for my mom. My x was like that as well its hard when you have to work to provide and miss work for it as well. He should be reminded it says nothing about just tsking healthy kids

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:19 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • " I think it is his new wife, she is very self centered and isn't very interested in the girls. "

    That may be so. But rather than fight about it, I'd be the bigger person and go ahead and reschedule. You can't change what has happened, but you can refuse to engage in battles.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:12 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Depending on how you want your relationship with your ex to be you may be nice and let him have the kids another weekend just to remain civil. But I agree he is their father and regardless of sick or not if they wanted to go and be with him he should have taken them after all it was his weekend. He can't pick and choose when to be their father and when not to gotta take the good with the bad. I wouldn't let him have them til his next scheduled weekend he missed out. Not your fault and when he does that one to many times then something may be done court wise or the kids will start to see the older they get what exactly their father is.

    Answer by arobert29 at 2:35 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I think that it is a pisspoor excuse... honestly... I have two step daughters.... and we alway get them UNLESS my kids have strp throat... something like that then no I would not want to subject them to that... but for a stomach bug... or congestion I think that the kids get jipped and it rather ticks me off when parents use that well they are sick and I dont want this one to catch it... BS.... kids are kids and if you live in kid is not sick today he will be tomorrow whether you get the other kid or not...

    Kids are NOT made of GLASS... sorry....

    stipping off soap box now!!!

    Answer by MOMMY2TWINBOYS4 at 5:37 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • missanc, the reason I am so suprised is that they were sick on a time he should have them before and I assumed they should stay with me and it was a fight. I think it is his new wife, she is very self centered and isn't very interested in the girls.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:05 AM on Feb. 22, 2011