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How do you get over being cheated on?

Can you, and how do you get over your husband straying either emotionally or physically? How do you put it behind you? How do you forget? How do you move on? Can a marriage really survive? Will things ever really be the same in your relationship?How do you get over being suspicious of everything he does?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • It's hard work, but if you really do want it to work the first and most important thing to do is to be able to forgive. Don't throw it in their face, and you're going to be suspicious and he can't ask you to be any other way until he proves that he's changed and you'll always wonder if he is doing it again. Both of you are going to have to do some changing to make the marriage work so that it doesn't fall in that situation again. That doesn't mean that I'm blaming you, it was his decision to do whatever he did, but you have to make changes too so that he doesn't turn anywhere else for anything. Open communication is the key I think.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:20 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • ME, I would get over it, quickly. Because I wouldn't be married to him anymore. But if you decided to stay in the marriage, it would be hard to totally forget. Counseling would be needed I would think

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:23 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • But what if he won't communicate with you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Please...if he will not communicate with you...kick his nasty ass out...
    He makes the HUGE mistake and he will not talk...come on girl....get out get out now..
    men are so stupid he will realize what he did later, and you will be long gone..the way it should be.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 10:27 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Is it fair that I feel emotionally straying is the same as physically straying. I still feel betrayed. I am haunted by thoughts, images, & emotions. Isn't it the same?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Yes you can get over it but it takes hard work as a couple. If he doesn't want to communicate and work things out then perhaps he isn't interested in saving the marriage. Then again maybe he's just not sure how to communicate about it. I would suggest reading some books on it to see how other women got through it. I managed to get through it but I divorced him so I might not be the best one for advice on it! There are books on betrayal and surviving it by women who made it work. See if there is a support group in your community. I know CM has some. Good luck with this. I know it won't be easy. That hurt cuts deep and takes a long time to heal over.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:44 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I found out that my husband had a affair 8 years after it happened. We had had 2 more kids after the affair before I found out about it! the ironic thing is , when I found out I was having an affair myself. We are still together. I was definately a wake up call! We have been to counseling and it help some but my husband decided to stop going because it was costing too much money. After 2 years he is the one having a hardest time getting over things. But their has to be ALOT of communication to get this back on track. Otherwise there is no hope of staying together. IMO
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 10:47 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • My MIL and FIL have been married for 40 years, he had cheated on her a couples times in the first few years of there marriage. She forgave him, and worked it out. Now just after their 40th anniversary he tells her that he has another child on the way. He is 60 by the way, and the girl he got pregnant is 24. She is having a really hard time with the whole situation. But i say once a cheater always a cheater!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Ivillage.com also has some good support groups.
    amydh

    Answer by amydh at 10:48 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • IF he will not talk about it, then he isn't over it... he has to be an open book.. my first husband cheated on me while I was pregnant with our second child.. I stayed we went to counseling but I was not able to forget.. we are divorced.... it's up to the two of you. and if he ain't talking then his ass should be walkin
    Mixedknutz

    Answer by Mixedknutz at 11:21 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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