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Is it ok to let ur child cry

the way i was rasied and my father side has also been raised was that its ok to let your child cry/ screem till they fall asleep or until she settles down


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Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (26)
  • Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say

    By Alvin Powell

    Contributing Writer

    America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers.

    Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, according to Michael L. Commons and Patrice M. Miller, researchers at the Medical School's Department of Psychiatry.

    The pair examined childrearing practices here and in other cultures and say the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic disorders when these children reach adulthood.


    Answer by gdiamante at 10:57 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I just told my daughter it was time for bed and I would sit there and read her a story. She never cried, but would get out of bed and try to get me to chase her back to bed.
    It was kind of like a game. Sometimes I played, other times I just let her fall asleep on the couch and I put her in her own bed.
    But then again I have only one child :)
    My mom had five, must have been tough!

    Answer by idaspida at 10:59 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I think it's fine in moderation. Children need to learn to self sooth.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 10:59 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • It's ok for them to cry until they fall asleep but i wouldn't let her scream. one that can be anoying two she will be hoarse. I would talk to her and explain that she needs to calm down she could make herself sick and that no matter what she is staying in bed. you are not mad @ her and you love her no matter what. But her throwing a fit and crying is not getting her out of going to bed. ( i just went through this with mine last week )

    Answer by princesschilly at 11:02 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • ~*IDK*~... personally I run to my kids when they cry, they don't cry because they are happy, and I don't want them to think they can't rely on their parents! If i have to stop doing soemthing that is pleasing to me, than that is part of being a parent??? Stopped being about me when we decided to have them!

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:02 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Tiny babies,no
    Once they start showing independence,say around 9-10 months,its time to self soothe
    I've seen it too many times in my own family where they cater to the child when it comes to bedtime and it backfires. My aunt was carrying her 10 year old daughter to bed at night because she insisted on falling asleep on the couch next to her mom all those years instead of going to bed.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 11:05 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • That is definitely not a cut and dried, black/white question. I think it depends upon the situation. MOST of the time, a baby will only cry if there's a reason for it. Diaper, hungry/thirsty, cold, needing more attention.

    If you have exhausted all the obvious possibilities, and baby continues crying then perhaps there's another reason. Upset tummy... fever? etc...

    It's a rare thing that a baby will cry for absolutely NO reason at all, and I don't care what some people say... you cannot "spoil" an infant.

    Yes, to an extent crying can be good for a baby.... it helps to strengthen their lungs, but if they are crying for an extended period of time, then there's likely something else going on. If your baby is crying for more than 5-10 minutes, then you definitely need to do what you can to comfort and calm him/her.

    Answer by Crimsonia at 11:10 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • When my first-born son was about 10 mos. old he realized he could stand up in his crib. He cried for 2 hours at bedtime. I would sit downstairs in a rocking chair listening to him cry upstairs and often I would be crying, too. This went on for while and then the time he cried went down to an hour, half hour, etc. until he learned that he wasn't going to be picked up and taken out of his crib. He survived; I felt bad, but I didn't give in. My second son would force himself to throw up when he cried and didn't get his way. He also learned the hard way to go to sleep. So, yes, I feel it's OK to let your child cry; of course, it might not always work and you have to monitor the crying to make sure it eventually subsides, but if I didn't have this attitude, with four children, I would never have gotten any sleep.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 11:14 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I think it really depends on the age of the child. I would not let a four month old cry it out, to me that is much too young. I did a modified cry it out technique to teach my daughter to fall asleep on her own in her crib starting at about seven months old. I never let her cry longer than two or three minutes without going in to reassure and sooth her. This worked well for me and I am not sure what I would have done had it not worked. But I am not comfortable letting a child cry for fifteen minutes without going to check on them and reassure them. To me it just feels like sending them the message that they better get over it because no one is coming to their rescue. As a parent I feel it is my job to come to the rescue at some point. If a child is three years old with a better understanding of things then maybe I would feel differently, but not for a baby. Babies need love, comfort and security.

    Answer by MaryMW at 11:27 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I let my son "cry it out" one time when he was a baby. It broke my heart so bad I was never able to do it again. Ever. My children are loved on and hugged on, my daughter falls asleep on me every single night...they can sleep in my bed anytime they want to. I don't really think it hurts children, I just never had the heart to let my babies cry that long.

    Answer by KennsWifey at 11:59 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

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