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3 Bumps

What would you do?

So I have a friend who I was very close to years ago. She started dating my brother. That didn't work out, (I knew it wouldn't). Anyway they broke up, and she was I think cheating but not 100% sure. All I know is the relationship ended in a bad way on her part. So years go by, and I'm thinking at least 10 yrs plus... she friend requests me on Facebook. I accept and put the past behind us. We chat often on FB, but have never had a relationship outside of that. We never talk on the phone, never go out and do anything. I still haven't seen her since she was dating my brother. Anyway, the other day she asks me to stand up in her upcoming wedding in Sept. She asked me over chat in FB. I thought that was odd, but honestly thats her. I'm up in the air with this. I don't know her that well anymore, and don't want to (I'm being honest) spend the money to be in a wedding. What would you do, and if you say you wouldn't what is the best way to tell her no?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I would tell her the truth. "I don't know you and your future husband well enough to feel comfortable saying that his is a marriage of which I would approve, and I really don't have money to spend on a dress and shoes right now. I hope you both will be very happy." Most people don't know that when we "stand up" with folks at their weddings, we are in actuality saying that this is a union of which we approve enough to vouch for it. I really don't think you know either of these folks that well, and that's how I would approach her with my decision. You are not saying that you don't approve, only that you don't know them well enough to know whether or not it's a good match.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:33 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • ~*Honestly*~... I would back down, and explain to her that positions in her wedding should be reserved for her closest friends and family, to create memories she can continue to look back at many years from now... but that is me!

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:33 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I wouldn't, and I would just tell her you're just not able to. You don't have to give her an actual reason, after all she did ask you over "FAKEBOOK"...... I would just send her a nice message over FB and just say you're sorry you can't. It's that easy. It's been 10 yrs what do you really have to lose?? lol GL

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:33 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Say u r too busy. Does she live far? I would ask her to get together a few times before that. She may want u to stand up to get back at your brother.

    Answer by dancer at 11:34 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Depending on how close the wedding is, I would tell her that yall need to catch up in person! If you feel like it still isn't right after that, then just tell her you are unable to. I don't think you owe her an explanation.

    I asked a childhood friend to be in mine and we didn't really talk that much but we didn't have circumstances like you did. AND I called her to ask her, I didn't message her.

    Good Luck!!

    Answer by alyssamal at 11:35 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • If I thought it would hurt or bother my brother,I would not do it. I would wish her a nice life and that is it. If I was feeling bitchy then I would let her have it!!!

    Answer by dancer at 11:35 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • You can tell her that you appreciate her thinking about you, but you can't afford to be in her wedding.

    Answer by Alexias30 at 11:35 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I would tell her that I'm on a serious budget & that I cannot afford to take part in her wedding, but that i would like to be there.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:35 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • If you are not that close to her and honestly don't feel comfortable (or don't want to) be in the wedding then I would say something like "I am so honored that you thought of me and asked me to be in your wedding. Unfortunately I have to say no as I have things going on in Sept and I won't be able to be in the wedding." (I would also make it a point to make plans for the day of the wedding- so my denial would be true- I would be busy that day).

    Answer by MizLee at 11:36 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • wow she must be getting desperate to be asking people she doesn't even keep in touch with! I would say something like you wish her well but you can't make that kind of commitment right now and good luck.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:36 AM on Feb. 22, 2011

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