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3 Bumps

How to handle total disrespect from young adult daughter living at home?

I have indeed tried, but have made my amount of mistakes as a parent. ok those days are past. My ex h has never really involved himself with my daughter. he had been a coke addict for many years, then we divorced when she was 12, then he went to jail for possesion for a couple of yrs , I remarried. He (my ex) never really supported me as a parent, and i really needed for him to do that, as i also had serious issues from my childhood. well the yrs have gone by, and daughter used to be very disrespectful to me, but had gotten much better about it until recently. now she is 18, has a great job, a car that i gave her 2500 to put toward, has a home and for years i have been trying to teach her with love about the things in life. she has always had some huge entitlement issue, not that i have totally spoiled her, because i was a single mom for some time, pulling the weight for yrs without any child support. daughter loves my current husband... she is thankful to him for all that he has done for her, because her really has gone out of his way when ever the situation . now my husband and i spoke with her recently about not coming in and out during the night... and last night she did it again. she left at 2;45 and returned at 5am. when i spoke with her about it this morning in a nice, but firm tone, she said f*u and was telling me that I don't do s***, that I sit on my a**, that all I do is open my legs, that she is about to hit me, there is more but you get the idea! we had told her before that she can not be acting like that if she is going to live here... so when she said these awful things, i told her to take her things and get out. she can not live here with that attitude. she said to get the *out of her room because she was going to hit me. I called my ex h to tell him as calmly as i could what had happened, and he totally blamed it on me. saying that because i got remarried that's why she is like this and bla bla bla. no support. so i said that she is not going to be living here, and if he wants, he can offer her a place to stay. I feel right about telling her to leave, because her attitude is not going to change without some sort of earthquake. but at the same time she is my daughter and i wish things were different. I wish she were making different choices.

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Ms.Christina333

Asked by Ms.Christina333 at 1:54 PM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (35 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • Honestly, if it were me, I'd tell her if she had no more respect for me than that, then she had no business being under my roof.
    wildsun

    Answer by wildsun at 1:59 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • KICK HER OUT!!!!!!!!! And if she hits you, CALL THE COPS. You seem like you are allowing the behavior by doing nothing. She is an ADULT, so she needs to start acting like one. Tell her she pays rent and follows the rules of the house or she finds her own place to live.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • All you can do is what you have done. I am sorry she is doing this and perhaps in time she will come around, but you need to put her out of the house, and make her stay out if that is how she is talking to you.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 1:59 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • If she is 18 or older I would pack up her things, give her a deadline to be out by, and then change the locks. And get a protection order. You have been through enough.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 2:00 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I live with the same thing, we have had so many run ins, the only diff she now has a 2 yr son so they once again have just moved in..........I in no way would put up with what you have you are right she is your daughter but no one especially your daughter has the right to talk to you like that she is an adult and she can live like one........when she decides to respect you then she can talk, they think the world owes them something
    buttonlts

    Answer by buttonlts at 2:02 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • This daughter of yours got this way from childhood, a young adult does not all of the sudden become disrespectful in this way if somewhere along the line no one corrected her, and emphasized and expected respect from the beginning. Whatever your reasons, from what you have said you have made a lot of mistakes raising her, we all do this at some point, but there is always a chance to correct yourself. Instead of taking the easy way and kicking her out why not work with her and seek counsel for a better relationship, once she is gone you will never have this opportunity again, and the resentment will grow on both ends yours and hers.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:02 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • ~*Tough*~... but stop making excuses for her, babying her, and remind her it is "YOUR" home!!! YOUR RULES... we all make mistakes, but the thing is we learn, and move forward... it is not your job to pick up the slack of your ex, feel guilty for his actions, and so forth...

    Lay down ground rules and make it clear it is YOUR home that she is blessed to be under??? And if she can't follow your rules she can move out...
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 2:02 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Change the locks on all doors and put her stuff in the yard.Its called tough love,and she needs it.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 2:05 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Im sorry I would have no problem asking her to leave my house. If she can not show respect to the one who gave birth to her, supported and raised her and provides her with what she needs then she has no place in the home until she can show respect.
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 2:12 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I am So Sorry you are going through such a Tough time with your daughter- The things she said to you & the way she was acting is Beyond Disrespectful- You did the right thing by telling her to leave- Tough Love is Hard to do but, sometimes kids leave us with no choice- Hopefully, she will see that the Grass is not Greener on the other side & she will Apologize & Follow your rules in your house- my kids are grown & they have never talked to me that way but, if they did; as much as i love them- there is No Way i would put up with it- Wishing you lots of luck!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 2:12 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

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