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Disappointed with a side of 'Ugh Gross'

So I recently found out my spouse was sleeping with another woman while we were having sex. We weren't in a relationship at the time, so it wasn't "wrong" as far as "rules of dating", but he lied to me when I had asked him about it at the time. Since I recently found out, I can't help but be disgusted and feel slight humiliation. I hate that he lied, but more so because there is so much between us now, that I don't want to care about it. But I do. I just think about it and it makes me sick. There's nothing to be said or done about it, but UGH even venting doesn't seem to stop the sickening feeling I have. Make it stop dammit.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • what he did was wrong, even if you were not in a total committed relationship. he should have had more respect for you then that. sorry!!
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 12:04 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Either you think about it everyday and make yourself be disgusted and just fester in it...Or let it go it will eat you alive girl.
    Now do you trust him as far as him cheating? I know you said it happened before you guys did anything so that is really up to you. Accept it or Let it go. I know it is very hard to do this and easy for me say. But there was a time ago that I was married to this guy and he cheated on me, I just divorced him and moved on. I did not want it to happen again...you know the saying once a cheater always a cheater ( some people change but there will always be that hmmm??? in back of your mind).
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:05 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Lies are the worst part of it if you ask me. If he had even allowed you to know that he was seeing someone else you could have assumed he was being intimate with her. That means the relationship started out on rocky ground. If if were me I'd wonder if he lies about other things or if I could trust him even now. when a woman feels betrayed there is a sickness that overcomes us so many of us understand that feeling. Time will help and if he proves himself to you that will help. There is a behavior modification thing you could do which is every time the sickening thought pops into your head immediately replace it with something good (your kids, or a garden or something that represents goodness to you). It helps.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You are all right (not like I'm telling you anything you don't know!) But yes, I do know I have to let it go or it will eat me up. It just hurts and it just places doubt in my mind. There's a lot between us so it makes it hard not to think about. Even when he did lie to me when I'd ask him, I knew deep down inside he was lying. What could I have said? Men will stick to their lies for so long, and I guess since I just called him out on it, it was undeniable. Part of me does feel like we were built on a rocky road.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • he bascially treated you and the other woman, like a peice of meat,

    That is nasty and it gave me a belly ache just reading this,
    Im very sorry this happend to you,
    i mean he must have known that you cared for him in some way to sleep with him he could have been just with you and only you,....why did he need others?

    and why would he lie?
    the lying thing really gets me. he could lie again ya know?
    im sorry for this..but maybe you should dump his butt, and get someone who honestly cares for you and not just your sex....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If he was fucking another women while having sex with you I'd run to the clinic and get tested for every STD there is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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