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What Would You Say?

My mom said to me yesterday that she felt I was dropping my family(meaning her and my siblings,etc) and she didnt understand that.

Well, arent my hubby and children my family too?

Does it sound like Im supposed to choose?

What do you think, what would you say to a statement like that?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I understand what she means. When my brother got married he instantly stopped talking to me like he normally did, which I somewhat understood but I still miss talking to him about everything, and as often as we did before (he'd been living with her before he married her and I typically talk to him while he's at work so it didn't interefere with family time for him). Shorten it up to say that they miss you, they miss the relationship you had. You don't have to choose, but try to get together more as a family if it's something you're willing to do. I still miss my brother and would love to spend time with him whether it's on the phone or in person (we live in different states)
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You can always quote the bible. It says, something about when you get married, you "leave the cleave" which means your spouse becomes your primary family.

    pugpin

    Answer by pugpin at 11:57 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • When you get married and have children THEY are your family first and foremost. Everyone else has to take a backseat to that. I can't believe that your mom of all people wouldn't understand that. Maybe she just wants to have more "big family dinners" or something. Ask her if she would like to plan something for every other Sunday afternoon or something to get you all together.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 11:58 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Moms can be terrified that they are losing their baby when they get married. Just assure her that she and your siblings will always be important to you and that they will always be family but that your primary goal is to be a great wife and mother (like she taught you to be). That always got my mom off my back! LOL
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Your mom might just miss you and the kids,

    Of course you have your primary family like we all do,

    I dont forget my family each and every one of them ,...i love every little thing about them and i couldnt live without my family kids, hubby...mom...my step dad....my 5 brothers and 1 sister, ;o)
    i have already lost my real father when i was 16, it shown me the real meaning of family,

    You never have to be alone...not if you dont want too
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Thanks ladies.

    Im sure she does miss us. We live about 2 hrs apart and she doesnt like driving down to us and due to work schedules its near impossible to get up there.

    Problem is, she disses my mothering and I cant have that either.

    Its just gotten so ugly and mostly it boils down to my not going to her religion anymore and marrying someone she thinks I settled for. Kinda gone downhill from there.

    Again...thank you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Have you told her how you feel about her criticism? Are you able to have a one to one conversation with her where you can be open? As long as you do it with respect, kindness and in a non-accusatory way, you should be able to talk to her and get her to listen.
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 1:30 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Yes, I talked to her yesterday about it all. Her only words concerning it were "I dont see why I dont or cant have a say concerning those boys" (I have 3 sons).

    She doesnt get it and I realize she never will. I told her she can have a say but it is only her opinion and would be appreciated, listened to and we'd take it from there as their parents.

    I have opened up to her before(before marriage and kids) and it became me the bad one who was out to hurt everyone and mom was the martyr and picked on,etc.

    I just wish they could see Im not who I was, Im 36 stinkin years old I shouldnt have to account to my mother for anything in my life, especially how I raise my kiddos.

    I love my mother very much but we are different people and until she can realize that....I dont know what to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Nov. 19, 2008