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2 Bumps

Should I have this discussion with him?

My husband is pretty good to me. He takes me out to eat, and he has taken on the roll of a father. However, i feel as though he doesnt really treat my kids like he does his.

First being, when we go to a store, he wont buy my kids a toy, but for his daughter, he buys a thirty dollar toy. BUT she is only with us three times a yr seeing as though she lives in another state.

He was with his ex for 12 yrs. they have two kids. I noticed some clothing she left behind, and they were very nice. she had polo shorts and some other things, the kids, baby gap clothes and old navy, polo, etc. She never worked, and he is so damn cheap, that I wonder how he allowed her to splurge on those items, but when it comes to my kids, I dont buy them a thing bc he is a penny pincher.

My thing is, he can spend the money on HIS kids, but not on mine? I work, so I will be buying their clothing, but should it matter who's money it is??
I want to tell him how I feel, that I feel my kids are secondary, but Im not sure if it will go over well.. Should i talk to him about it?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • if he only sees her a few times of year then of course he is going to spoil her a little, i bet if the rolls were refused you would do the same thing, he is there with your kids and he is probally helping suport them as well with paying the bills, food, and all the extras that they need. I wouldn't be so hard on him.
    jenn4443

    Answer by jenn4443 at 4:35 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Well that is true. Its not really about the brands, I guess I just want him to think of them as his kids too... bc his daughter gets anything and everything under the sun, since the day she was born. So I was told. But I dunno... Ill try and let it go...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:38 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • If you don't talk to him about it, then your kids will, when they get old enough. I know because my dad and step mom were similar, except in my case, it was my step mom who always bought the nice stuff for her kids.
    ladymomtraveler

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 4:38 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • yes if it bothers u that much u should bring it up in a non confrontational way. just know that it might not go over well with him, he might interpret it as an attack on him and his kids.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 4:38 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I dont see a problem with what hes doing. He only gets to see her a few times a year so what he gives her when she is down is basically amounting to what he gives your kids year round. Make sense? For instance my ex bought my son a brand new Ipod with all the bells and whistles and engraved it during his last visit, however, the rest of the year my son really doesnt get alot from his dad. When his dad sees him and the other two he splurges on them all at once since he only sees them about twice a year.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:40 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I understand how you feel but like the first poster said he doesn't see his kids very often whereas he is with your kids everyday. You said he has taken on the role of father so he must be providing for them with the exception of buying them new toys when you go to the store - I think its understandable that he'd buy his daughter an expensive gift given that he only sees her three times a year. Were you there when he was with his ex? Do know the details of their marriage? Could it be that he didn't become so cheap until after the expenses of a divorce and child support? Also you'd be surprised how many name brand items can be bought at consignment shops and places like Good Will and The Salvation Army.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 4:48 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • We buy name brand clothes through thrift stores and get some through hand me downs. You don't have to pay retail to have name brand clothes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:54 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Hell yeah if I were you I'd ask him why he's such a cheapskate when it comes to everyday life with you and your kids and why he doesn't treat them as good as he would his own. that type of thing will mess up a kid. I think it's understandable that he would want to buy a $30 toy for his kid that he only sees 3 times a year, I mean it's not like he's buying her $100 gifts or something.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 5:02 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • The key to a strong relationship is communication. No matter how you feel the conversation will go, you need to talk to him about it. If you keep these feelings in forever, eventually you will blow up and it will be ugly. Second of all, maybe one reason he is a penny pincher is because his ex wife splurged so much, and that might be part of the reason they broke up. As far as his dd, I think he is trying to buy her love and affection and make up for the fact that he is not with her as much as your children. I'm sure he does not realize the difference in the way he treats them.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 8:41 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • He married you with your kids so he should not be treating them different...if he buys for his child that is ok but when your all together as a family he should treat yours the same.
    My Husband is my son's step father but he treats him very nice my son is 16 so he does what my son wants as far as rides, money etc never treating him as an ex. He's very nice to us both he does more for us than his other kids but then again they are grown...you need to talk to him and tell him that this bothers you
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 9:22 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

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