Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What to do (pt 2)

I'm 17, i'm almost 15 weeks pregnant, i dont know who my babys father is because i dont remember having sex at the time of conception. Abortion is not an option, but i dont know if i want my baby. A little bit of help? i've spent so many nights & days crying because i dont know who the father is or if i even want it..

I'm thinkin that at the time of conception i could have possibly been given a date rape drug, because i dont remember the night or most of the day that i left.

My parents are pushing me and pushing me and i just don't remember, i wasnt having random sex or anything.

I feel so bad for even thinkin that i might not want it, because there are so many married couples who want kids, but cant have them.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • well as i said in your last post you need as much support as you can need to calm down even though it may be hard and decide what it is you want to do. there are agencies out there that will help. i would try to be as calm and adult as you can be and sit down and talk to your parents and tell them if you haven't already everything what your fears are your thoughts on this and anything you can remember from that night. let them know it is not going to help you that they are pushing so hard you all need to be as calm as you can. good luck

    Answer by jodi205 at 1:13 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You could consider keeping it-it would be a tough road but well worth it.

    You could give the child up for adoption.

    You could also try to set up an open adoption-an open adoption would allow you to still be occasionally involved in the life of your child as he/she grows up.

    I was the same age when I got pregnant and I am now almost 22-I decided to keep my daugter and it has been rough but has been well worth it and I would not change it for the world. The only thing I regret is being able to hang out with my friends whenever-but thats no big deal........:)

    Answer by Tricia19 at 1:15 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Hi hon. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this so young. I didn't get pregnant until I was 31, I was married and still scared out of my mind. I can't imagine being 17 in that situation.

    You don't have to decide right now. If it were me I don't think I could give the baby up no matter what, but I know people who have and it was the best thing they could have done for thier lives. You're just going to have to really decide what you want for your life. Being a mommy is the best thing in the world, but it's REALLY REALLY hard. I'm actually glad that I waited until I was in my 30's to have a baby.

    As that baby continues to grow inside you, you will have a huge bond with him/her. What you need to decide first is what is best for the baby. There are several scenerios, tons of things you need to weigh out. It's a decision I would never want to have to make.


    Answer by Nika75 at 1:57 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • You have some time. I am so sorry this happened to you. I will encourage you to think about adoption. It sounds like you already are. Its a great thing and so many families have benefited from this very selfless action. I can understand you not wanting this child. That seems like a normal reaction to something so traumatizing. Part of you will love him/her anyway just because its part of you, but that should be even more reason to think about adoption. When you know you can't give this child the kind of life he/she deserves and someone else can, its a great option. You can choose his/her mom and dad and even get to keep in touch with them. Its hard for sure, but very rewarding. I cant imagine raising a child and not knowing whom his/her father was. Best wishes.

    Answer by momofsaee at 2:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I have friends that had a baby.She had a deformed heart, and died.They are wonderful people who would make wonderful kind loving parents.There are many other couples like them who just can't have a healthy baby.I recommend adoption.Maybe the kind of adoption that you can visit with the baby from time to time.
    You can raise the baby with the help of your family.but it is not easy.but it can happen.You have time to relax and figure out what you want to do.No baby is an accident or mistake.Each child is a gift from God.

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I am a social worker who works with Pregnant and/or parenting teenage mothers. Nobody but you can decide what you want to do: Not your parents, not your friends, and not religion. There are 3 options: Keep your child and raise it the best to your ability: This option will bring you the most hardship, and the most joy. You must remember that should you decide this - it's never about you again until perhaps your child is a grown adult. Option 2: Get an abortion. Religious views aside: it is Potentially the option that will disrupt your life the least. Option 3: Adoption - But once you've given up the prefection that you grow in your body - you cannot get it back. Wake up and pay attention. It's not ok that you don't remember having sex. Something is wrong with that. Take care of yourself. It does not sound like you are ready to be a mother.

    Answer by PotatoMama at 3:08 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • adoption is very hard. very hard. talk to some birthmoms before you jump on the idea. join some groups on here & read some stories about the other side of adoption. if you do decided on adoption please please please get a good counselor NOT connected with an adoption agency. you will need it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • This will sound very odd i am sure but if you want to answer the who the daddy is question, I would try this. If you have a cell phone. Get your phone bill and see what your activity was that week. Who did you text who did you call. It may spark some memory.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If you don't want the baby, DO NOT feel bad. You are a fifteen years old. Your life is just starting out, and a baby may be to much responsibilty for you at this time in your life. It is okay to give the baby up for adoption if that is what you really want to do. Open adoption is a good choice for some people. My aunt has a four year old son who sees his birth mom on a regular basis. She was only fourteen when she gave birth to him, so she is more like a big sister to him than anything. I wouldn't even worry about who did this to you right now. That can be worried about later on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • adoption is not as hard as if seems. for me i knew right from the very beginning and when the time came i cried a little but for the most part i felt relieved and a sense of peace that i did the best for him and myself. he is a happy boy and you can have an open adoption so that if you wanted you can have weekend visits every other weekend. you can message me and i can help you ask the questions when picking the parents etc. i never regretted the adoption option. in fact i think the lord holds a special place in his heart for me for having done that for one of his baby's rather then abortion. why? is it so important to know who the father is. get with adoption agency and ask them how important it is you know the father. i bet they say not that important in order to adopt it. although i don't know. good luck.

    Answer by melody77 at 10:58 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.