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When my kids ask about their father what do i tell them if he has moved in with another woman and has a new baby with her and refuses to see our kids?

 
jilliebean261

Asked by jilliebean261 at 4:00 PM on Jul. 8, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • tell them they're too good to see him and he's not a very nice guy then later you can tell them the whole truth and you won't have lied to them
    mamarhonda

    Answer by mamarhonda at 9:46 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

  • I don't know how old your kids are, but telling a child something like that could really be detrimental to their feelings against males and father figures. You never want to be the parent who talks bad about the other parent, even if it's the truth. Does he still see them? If so, then telling them that will put them against him and eventually they will go against you for being the one to say all the negatives about their father. I say just explain that he doesn't live with you any more and only say more after that if they ASK.
    MamaPyratekk

    Answer by MamaPyratekk at 4:19 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Wow. I had to look at your profile to make sure you weren't a friend of mine (she's going through the same thing). I don't really have much advice because this is a really difficult situation. My friend's kids are older than yours. She basically is letting the dad's actions speak for themselves and when they ask her "why?" she tells them the truth. "I don't know." Both of her kids now hate their father for abandoning them and running off to another state with a woman and starting a family with her. He did see them in the beginning but when he did he neglected them completely (they came home after visiting for a week filthy and unfed). Weird thing is he was a great father before he met this other woman. *sigh*

    I wish I could be of some help hon. I guess all I can really tell you is that you and your kids are not alone. Doesn't make it easier on you though, I know. I'm sorry.
    amethystrse

    Answer by amethystrse at 4:22 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • children need very little information when they are small. Their attention span can be short as well which is good in this case because you can keep your answer brief and change the subject. I'd be careful about showing emotion (negative feelings) even though I'm sure you must feel hurt and betrayed right now. I'd just say daddy's at work (if he is) or if they want him to visit just tell them the next time you talk to him you will tell him. Little kids don't realize this isn't the way life is (daddy living somewhere else)unless we tell them. To keep emotions out of it I'd try to treat it as if they were asking about Santa or funny Uncle George. He'll be here when he can. I'm so sorry he did this to your family....your bd not funny uncle George!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:23 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • This is what happend with my girls, they had a great dad until he got a woman in his life and had a baby with her. I didn't say anything to them. If they wanted to call him I'd tell them to go ahead. Kids have to figure things on their own about their parent that is absent. The truth is if you don't say much at all they will come to their own conclusions. What goes around comes around and one the dad will have to answer to his kids. For now just let it go and move on with life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • I have a 14 yr. old daughter who's father had nothing to do with her until 4 mo. ago. But children learn by watching hun. Let them see and answer the questions later if they ask and be nice although he is a PIG!!!
    perfectkitten

    Answer by perfectkitten at 10:10 PM on Jul. 8, 2008

  • Just be very careful of what you decide to tell them. Children will always find a way to blame themselves for the situation. I'm going through a similar situation with my ex. There are some days when my daughter asks about her dad, and I always explain to her that her dad not calling or spending time with her is not her fault and she didn't do anything wrong. Thankfully my husband treats her like his own and she calls him Dad all the time, and she asks about her real dad less and less everyday.
    Spooka

    Answer by Spooka at 1:16 AM on Jul. 9, 2008

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