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3 Bumps

My husband choses bad time to Do it? Complaining i don't do it as much as i should?

My husband and i go for 2 weeks not having sex, and we want it at separate times. I would rather have sex in bed when kids are in bed and i can relax and enjoy it. He would rather have it when they are awake, and he puts cartoons on for my oldest and brings the 5month old in our room or in another room and i am not in the mood then.
Then he said to me he is sick of leading me on, and wants a change of me leading him on. I told him when i want it u don't and when u want it i am not in the mood, so now he thinks i am not attracted to him. It seems like since we had kids our sex drive went way down. he wants it and i am just to exhausted to do it

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Asked by at 9:51 PM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,515 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Babes edit your question and put a warning sign on it.  You have to make time.  Maybe once you guys get started you WILL want to.  I've often found the hardest part is actually just making it to the bedroom and undressing.  Once we start, I am SO happy that we did.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:54 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Sometimes I do it when i'm not in the mood or simply don't want to....but I don't ever do it when my kids are awake. I stand with you on that one. If there's a time when the kids are asleep and you don't feel like it, do it anyway, and chances are you'll enjoy it once you get

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I can understand not wanting to have sex when your children are up running around. I don't like leaving my kids unattended either. Tv unfortunately is not a babysitter. Sit down and talk and tell him everything you are saying right now. Communication is key.


    Answer by matheson7 at 10:00 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • And yes, I agree with you OP.  We don't have sex when our children are awake period.  Sometimes they will wake up during and that sucks but shit happens.  And him to bring the baby in the room to me is gross and an ABSOLUTE mood breaker.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:01 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • You're not alone Momma.... Make time for the both of you. My Hubby and I just get it when we can most days,lol... We know at night when we finally lay down that we're going to pass out, so we sneak in time when we can.

    We have date nights, take a drives down country roads, etc... lol Some nights when I can prepare I will light candles, run a bath, and we have fun after the kids are in bed...
    You have to make the time, and keep the intimacy alive in your marriage. It's healthier for your mind, body, and soul. I know you're tired, and it will get easier I promise. Communicate with your Husband, discuss what would be the best for the both of you, and let him express himself, and you as well.
    Communication is the key to a strong marriage, if he thinks you're just brushing him off then he's going to feel hurt, so tell him how you feel, and listen to him... I hope you can work things out.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:02 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Oh and yes I would have to agree, bringing the baby in the room is a deal breaker.. Communicate that to him.

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 10:03 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Interesting fact you might want to share with your husband: There is a direct correlation between a women's willingness to have sex and how much work the man does around the house. Perhaps if he picked up some more slack with the kids, chores and meals so you could get a bath, primping time or relaxation time, you might have more of a sex drive when the time comes.

    Answer by ANGIE409 at 10:29 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I'm still searching for my sex drive after our house burned down a month ago. I've been stressed to the MAX!!! But I do agree with others that sometimes just making yourself do it you'll get into it after you get started, plus the more you do it the more your body wants to do it.

    but i can't blame you for not wanting to do it with children up. major disctraction

    Answer by kayslay at 10:35 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I went through the same thing! I prefer doing it at night. one, I want to go to sleep afterwards, lol. two, less chance of my DD waking up than during nap time. Only recently have I wanted it more. After I had my DD, my sex drive went so low I think i went for almost 2 months without it. Thats with him nagging me. So, we compromised. If I'm not in the mood, we "fool around". Although, most of the time, it ends up in sex. Try just making out for a bit then see if your mood changes. I prefer to be the one who starts it because then he knows I'm up for it. I like the lead up rather than just jumping to sex.

    Answer by IrishPennMom at 11:28 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

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