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4 Bumps

What do suggest before getting married?

I love my finance and wanna spend the rest of my life with him. We are truly compatible soul mates, he is my best friend when I need to vent or cry. Me have been together threw the bad and good. I know he have only been together for three yrs, but I can not see being with anybody else. However he hasn't actually have gotten him self a good paying job and career yet. I understand he doesn't have the money for it because he needs a loan. University and college is damn expensive. I'm lucky because I'm a status native in Canada, so my post secondary schooling is mostly payed for. I wanna know I can depend on him financially too if get married in the near future ever. I don't want him living off my income for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I don't want helping him out right now. Just not in the long run I don't want this. My plan before marriage is get our good careers, save up some money for retirement, and get ourselves a house together. However I know getting a house and having a retirement can get costly. It really doesn't even matter if we don't even get a house. Just some decent home me, him, and the kids could be happy in. We are pretty frugal with the money we do have. That's one of the reasons I love him, that he is pretty good with stretching his money. I know there is more to a marriage then money. I just want everything to be good when the day does come. I'm in no rush to marry as well, I'm content with the way things right now. There is some personal things I think I need to do as well before the big day. For all the married couples out there, what are some things you might suggest before getting married?

Answer Question

Asked by ChildGoddess at 11:37 PM on Feb. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (311 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Take some great vacations because once you're married everything happens fast and life gets in the way.

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 11:43 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Counseling!! Marriage is a FT job and you're right have your careers going. Good luck!!

    Answer by Dee24997 at 11:43 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • In the traditional wedding vows it says "For Richer or Poorer". It sounds like money is super important to you. Almost more important that love itself. The only advice is to see a marriage councelor. Both of you. They will be able to mediate or whatever else needs to be done so that you can talk about this with your fiance.
    Keep in mind that his circumstances growing up were different than yours. You stated that your college was mostly paid for and that he has to get loans for his. It's not cheap. Just because the first few years of your marriage might be tight money wise doesn't mean that he'll mooch off you.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 11:45 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Last thing. Love is WAY more important than money.

    Answer by 2murphyboys at 11:46 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • I agree with 2murphyboys! MONEY is not what makes a marriage work! Neither is having both have great careers. That's all the little stuff. LOVE is first and foremost, and you sound like you have MONEY as the priority.

    Answer by sissy4444 at 11:48 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • Take time for each other, but also have your time with friends or alone time.

    Answer by justalady774 at 11:49 PM on Feb. 22, 2011

  • It seems you are both on the right track but money isn't everything happiness helps though don't get me wrong. It's not how much you make or how much he makes but how you use it..keep talking with him and all will work out. I make more than my husband but I married him for his personality and now how much money he made I will allways make more than him so I don't worry what should be I worry how to keep us happy with what we have.


    Answer by dusty1962 at 12:28 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I know maybe these standards are "high". However they are for the benefit of my children. I wanna get a good career to pay for their medical needs, basic stuff they need, save up money for their education, give them decent stuff. I don't need all these for me to be happy. I could be fine living off the land, travelling my life away like a gypsy with my partner if we didn't have kids. I'm fine with the income I have now, maybe a bit more would be better for myself. I would like a retirement because I don't wanna work for the rest of my life. I wanna relax, enjoy the days when me and my man grow old and grey traveling and doing whatever we want.

    Comment by ChildGoddess (original poster) at 12:29 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You need to support each other in marriage-physically, mentally, emotionally, financially & socially. & that too without expecting or asking for acknowledgements, if u expect it u will surely ruin ur marriage

    Answer by A11 at 1:24 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You might need marriage counseling, but more likely you should consider financial and career counseling. Those counseling sessions might help your man get a better grip on what he can do for you, and what he wants to do for you. They might also help him get on the right career track to start becoming more of a provider for you and your family.
    Do NOT limit yourself to "living off the land" or "gypsy" style travels.
    Make a list of goals you want to accomplish during your life. Ask your BF to make one too. Compare the items on the list, talk about them, and make plans for how to reach those goals together. Do NOT be afraid to dream big. If you want to have a 2 week vacation in "Fiji" for your Honeymoon, for example, put that on the list, and let him know that's what you want.

    Good luck.

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 6:59 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

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