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5 Bumps

Birthmoms: Have you written your will to include children surrendered for adoption?

Have you made provisions in your will for children whom you have surrendered for adoption?

If so, did you leave them shares equal to those left to your other children?

Did you name them as life insurance beneficiaries? If so, in a share equal to your other children?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (28)
  • Why would somebody do that? wondering cause dont you give up rights to a kid & then they are not yours. So everyone tells you they are not yours any longer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Yes I did include all my children in my will and life insurance. They all get an equal share of everything. They are all my children and all loved so why wouldn't they be treated equally? A piece of paper doesn't make any of them less than. People can say one of them is not mine until the cows come home. It doesn't make it true.

    Answer by Aislin at 12:31 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I have not included the son I gave up on my will or life insurance at this point, I've been struggling with this decision and I'm not entirely sure why at this point. If/When I decide to make the decision to include him - the shares would be divided equally this I'm sure of.

    I've always felt he should be included, but then struggled thinking I'd be doing less for the children I'm raising. It probably sounds silly but I feel guilty if I would include him and guilty if I don't. I love all my children equally, even if my first son is not with me it doesn't make him any less a part of me.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:41 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I am BSE and have, big, maybe  found him.Still waiting.He is not included on life insurance because it is very hard to make an unknown person a beneficiary.In my will however there is a legal phrase that does include him.There is a time restraint because after the estate is distributed the estate ceases to exist.My 2 older adult children know about him and about our wills.My husbands will is the exact same as mine except for personal and inherited properties.My kids are on board with this.It is not their choice but it is nice they agree.They feel he is their brother.


    Answer by drfink at 1:02 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • What an interesting question:

    For those who have included their birthchildren, how do you phrase it on the forms (since legally they are not your "children") and how do you get around not having their social security number/address, etc. Isnt that normally needed?

    If the child is a minor, are you actually leaving it to the Aparents?

    I would never expect my kids bmoms to leave them anything, equally or not. I would rather have the money go to the kids she is raising, they would need it more than my children.

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 1:06 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Good question. I do intend to leave him something in my will because he is my son and I don't want him to feel left out or unimportant. But, it will only be a little like $10k. I will not leave him a full share because his aparents are much wealthier than me and he will be well taken care of when they die, more so than my twins. However, if they were broke then yes he would get a third.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:20 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Oh sorry. No he's not one of my life insurance beneficiaries.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I included my relinquished son in my will, and he knows that I have. I needed to get his social security number to include him, so I had to ask for it and tell him why I wanted it. My lawyer explained that although legally he is a no longer related to me, one can include anyone they want in their will. He is listed as my son.

    None of my children really NEED money from me, and who knows I may spent it all before I die. The children I raised are at least as successfully financially, maybe even more so, than the son I relinquished.

    However, for me, it was important to include my relinquished son in my will. For me, it is part of finally acknowledging him as my son and my love for him. He deserves to be included, in my mind. He IS my son even though I did not raise him.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:24 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • This is such a hard question. Obviously, there is deep love involved. At the same time, including the surrendered child would enable him to inherit twice - both from birth parents and APs - while the other children would only inherit once. Tough decision.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:28 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • For a will his personal information such as SS is not needed. I was informed the parents of his birth father apparently became semi human and included him in their wills.Currently only the wife is alive so after she goes we will see,I was contacted during probate after her husband died .


    Answer by drfink at 9:42 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

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