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What do u think about arranged marriages?

I know it may sound weird to you but we had an arranged marriage. we met twice before marriage I was 27 & he was 29. But yes we used to talk a lot in fact daily at least for 2 hours( 9:30- mid night) since both of us were working & usually didn't have much free time during the day. we both had a successful career & were well educated ( he's a lawyer & I'm a college lecturer). we have been married for almost 3 years & have a one year old son. It was my father who arranged a meeting for us.Before him I've met at least 10 more persons but I didn't find them worthy of me but the moment I saw him I was completely head over heels for him same for him too. we have a joint family now & my MIL takes care of our son as well as home when we're at work( I work 9-5). Now tell me what's ur opinion of arranged marriage, & yes we here has a very slander divorce rate.

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Asked by A11 at 12:51 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,687 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If I'd have been involved with an arranged marriage, I wouldn't be married to the wonderful man I freely chose call my husband. I wouldn't figure I would have been very happy being married to some guy my parents said I should marry.
    However, I'm glad it seems to have worked out for you so far, and hope your early marriage happiness continues in years to come.

    Answer by SpaceToast at 1:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • My parents never forced their decision on me, I chose him the only thing is my father met him before me & thought he would be suitable for me, the final decision was left on the two of us-me & my now hubby, to be taken

    Comment by A11 (original poster) at 1:34 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • i think that is pretty cool to have an arranged marriaged but it is just not for me good luck mama

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 1:35 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Honestly, reading what you wrote, that is not really an arranged marriage. That is a marriage where your parents introduced you to someone that they thought would be a good match for you.

    An arranged marriage is one where the parents pick their child's spouse (sometimes it's both the man and the woman who have no say, more often the man gets some say, and he / his family make the arrangements with her parents, and it's the bride who has no say). Often, they do not spend a lot of time talking / getting to know each other (over the phone or face to face or whatever), and they (or at least the woman), has no real choice in the matter, or if she does, it's only a nominal "non choice" sort of choice (such as, you can marry him, or you can refuse, bring dishonor on your family, and be shamed / ostracized).


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:53 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • cont

    One of the big reasons that arranged marriages don't have as high a divorce rate is because most countries / societies that have true arranged marriages (as opposed to ones where the parents played matchmaker, which is what you have described), is because divorce is either illegal or very frowned on in their society. Often, the women do not have the right to even try to get a divorce - they are trapped in a marriage and in a society where they have little to no say over their lives.

    I readily admit that there are too many people who get married without taking it seriously enough, and I'm glad that your marriage to your dh is working out. I'm in favor of relationships that started because people that knew and loved them (such as their parents) introduced them to someone that they thought was a good match for them. I'm in favor of taking marriage seriously. I'm not in favor of (true) arranged marriages.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:59 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • If you chose to marry him, that is not an arranged marriage.

    Answer by SpaceToast at 2:51 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • sailorwife.... how come you know more about someone elses culture than they do?

    That IS an arranged marriage. That is how arranged marriages work. That is completely different to FORCED marriages.
    Forced marriages are abhorrent, and not tolerated in most countries.
    Arranged marriages are different.

    Answer by Piskie at 4:28 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I'm not saying that I know more about her culture than she does, I'm saying that, by definition (Cambridge dictionary) "a marriage in which the parents choose who their son or daughter will marry.

    The op clearly stated that she had met at least 10 other people before deciding on her dh - guys that she rejected (which makes that HER choice), and that they talked daily for 2 + hours, and that they loved each other before they were married (when she said they were head over heels for each other).

    That is the definition of a marriage where the parents, either acting on their own or through the use of a professional matchmaker, were helping their child find a spouse, one that the child has a choice to accept or reject. That is an entirely different thing from having a spouse selected for you by your parents.

    and btw, yes, I have seen cultures with arranged marriages that were the norm, and yes, imo, they were repressive.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:07 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Oh, and btw, the op asked what our opinions on them were, and I respectfully gave mine. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to read it, but I am entitled to it.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:09 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • A11, it's great that your relatively arranged marriage is working out well.

    As for me, I'm sooooo glad my parents didn't choose my husband for me.

    If my MOM had chosen she would have picked this guy who was the son of a doctor in our local town. He was a friend of the family, and a friend of my friends (my outer social circle). He was kind of cute, and smart, so all that was good...but I just didn't ever have that interest in him. Plus, my mom wouldn't have based her choice on a religion, and I don't have the same religion as that guy.

    If my DAD had chosen for me, i would likely have married the first guy that he thought would ask me to marry me. He never gave me any indication that he had any sort of standard that I should live up to or look for. Oh, and my dad would likely have chosen someone who was his religion ( not mine).

    Thankfully, I chose the man I married, and we've been happily married for 3.5 years.

    Answer by ladymomtraveler at 6:31 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

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