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What do I do?

My nine year old fourth grader was in a foul mood this morning, turns out this mood carried over into school. I just got off the phone with his school, seems my son was disrespectful in class and "accidentally" knocked over some kid's milk in the lunch room and didn't say sorry, or show any remorse. He then turned to the kid and told him"your dead" when the kid told on him. WTF? I try so hard to raise a respectful and considerate child and he's a bully? I don't know what to do! Please, if you are going to be nasty, don't bother answering. I really need solid advice right now!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • Talk to him. Sit him down calmly and find out whats bothering him. And of course punish him. But only when he knows exactly what he did wrong and why. Have a meeting with his teacher also to find out how his behavior is on a reg basis and if he as any kids in school that he doesnt get along with. You really have to go from there GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:47 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I hope the school "punished" him, in whatever way would be normal for that type of incident. You need to carry-through on that punishment. He needs to know that every single thing he does (because he doesn't live in a cave on an island) affects at least one other person, and typically a group of people. He needs to learn about proper community living. Everyone wakes up on the "wrong side of the bed" from time to time, and that's okay. It's what you do with it that matters. Find out what's bugging him, and teach him there are better ways to deal with issues inside himself.

    Answer by EireLass at 1:48 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If something is going on at home that could also be why. Like a divorce, death, or lack of male guidance

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:48 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • My son has had days like that. Keep it in perspective. It this is an isolated incident - don't make a big deal out of it. Try to talk to him to see if something is bothering him - it might be he's having trouble with a friend, is frustrated in school, or is simply sleep/nutrition deprived. My son is in High school now and is doing much better - but he actually got a time out last week! Still has some class clown/self control issues to grow out of!

    If your son has a pattern of this type of behavior, you might want to talk to the school administrator/counselor/psychologist, or your pediatrician.

    My son always had more behavior issues in the winter, when he wasn't getting enough physical activity. School is not really set up for energetic boys! It must be frustrating for them!

    Answer by mnrock at 1:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I agree with everyone here.There is a reason why your son did what he did.You should follow the schools disipline.But not be too harsh on him.I'd try to get to the root of his anger in a kind way.He's young, so it isn't too late.I'm sure he is a good person.All saints are some one who fell down and got up.

    Answer by evelynwest at 2:07 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • If this is a one off then I wouldn't panic too much, maybe it could be that something's going on that he hasn't told you about and that's the reason he's in such a bad mood.
    Sit him down and have a serious talk with him and see if there is anything up, if this is just a really random one off then make it clear to him that you will not stand for this type of behaviour again and that it is not acceptable.
    However if this is not an isolated incident then I would maybe get him extra external help because there's always a reason that a bully becomes one, not that it's anyones fault, just maybe he got picked on before or something?

    Good Luck, Haley.

    Answer by haleykarson at 2:09 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Maybe it is just a bad day but you still should puinish him but make sure you talk to him.

    Answer by mandyandthree at 2:21 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • maybe he needs some counseling to redirect his anger. some kids get frustrated with things & take it out on others & dontknow good ways to direct it.  i wouldnt fore-go punishment within reason because he does need to understand there are consequences for bad behaviors. but yeah talk to him about how he was feeling before he did what he did and discus ways he could express himself without hurting or annoying others.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • I don't think something big had to have happened for him to behave this way . Maybe, but maybe not. My son went through a similar situation. Woke up in a foul mood and got in some trouble that day in school. I kept on top of it and in touch with his teachers. He got in school suspension for a day and nothing like that ever happened again. If there were anything "going on", it was something he didn't want to discuss with me and it passed in a day. I'd give it a day or 2, and let him know you are there if he needs to tell you anything. If this continues, seek help.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 4:20 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Thanks for all the input, my son and I did have a heart to heart and I found out the reason. I recently was diagnosed with a disease that is pretty serious. He has heard my discussions with hubby regarding treatment ( I didn't know this) and was upset about "losing mom", he actually cried when I asked him what was going on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Nov. 20, 2008

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