Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Sexless Marriage adult content

DH and I haven't had sex in 8 months. Previously, sex wasn't very often. I chalked it up to his reduced sex drive from chemo and radiation 7 years ago. But now, we're not having sex at all. The last time was in June. I was pregnant and sex started to hurt. So I avoided it. As soon as we were given the green light, I started asking for it. He would say yes and then fall asleep on the couch. This has been going on for 2 months. I feel like I'm not good enough. ANd now, I feel like I would be uncomfortable having sex with him because I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I really need to fix this problem, but asking is just humiliating, especially when there's no response. Please help because I feel like this could end up ruining my marriage. I'm a loving and devoted wife. I love DH so much and this hurts me more than I could ever explain.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I understand because my dh is the same way some times. We have sex maybe once every few months. I think that my husband may have something wrong with him and he got insurance through his work finally and has agreed to see a doctor. It is possible your husband is unable to perform and is ashamed himself to say anything. He wont want to talk about it if that is the case either.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:52 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Well 8 months is a long time when your married, but i have certainly heard of longer :). I think the key at this point is to talk about why this has happened...even if the answer is as simple as "no reason it just did". Do something make your husband dinner and tell him it's a "date night". Instead of waiting on him to break the ice it sounds like you need to. You need to sit down and talk to him and explain to him how important it is that you both come to the bottom of "Why?". If you realize there is an underlying issue then I would seek counseling. Best of luck, this doesn't sound like a fun situation.

    Answer by sweetiepie8540 at 7:59 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Does he happen to take any medications daily? I know some medications significantly affect the sex drive of a male. My husband took prescription pain meds for a while and had no desire for sex.

    Answer by sydash11 at 8:04 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You need to sit down and discuss this. Tell him everything you just said to us. Do it during a lunch or something, so that there isn't that pressure to do it right after the discussion. Be matter of fact and mature about it. He will probably respond the same way.

    Answer by Saya at 8:23 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • The both of you should talk to a dr. he may feel insecure after what he has been through. you may need to see a therapist. I would fix a nice meal and talk to him and ask him what his wrong. Let him know how much you love him and that you are here for him. he may open up to you.

    Answer by princesschilly at 8:24 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I just saw on an program to help couples that one thing you can try with him is to lay on the bed naked and touch all areas of his body except the private areas both front and back. Have only a couple of candles on in the room. Then he does the same to you. The goal is to foster togetherness, not sex. It was the first exercise for a couple to do as they tried to get their desire for each other back.


    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Look at this link and maybe browse Dr. Berman's books in a good book store


    Answer by elizabr at 8:28 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He could very well be suffering from a low testosterone level, which would greatly affect his sex drive. A simple blood test can determine that, & the fix is an easy one. Men; like us women, suffer from hormonal changes when they reach a certain age. Depression as well can affect a persons sex drive. As was already mentioned, so can certain medications. I hope your husband will do what he says & go see a Dr for a check-up, including a complete blood work up. If you do decide to try & talk to him about this issue, PLEASE dont start the conversation with how bad you feel about yourself because you 2 arent having sex. Dont make this about you right now, there is time for that later on. Tell him you are concerned for him & his health, & tread gently from there. And remind him that he can speak to his doctor in complete confidentiality, so he knows that whatever he says to his dr will be just that; confidential.

    Answer by RubyinPA at 8:34 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • How old is he?

    Answer by MLM0503 at 8:53 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You HAVE to speak up and talk to your husband. He may be having some health issues or something that are destroying his sex drive. If you want a good relationship with your DH you have to speak up and talk about your problems openly.

    Answer by HKing01 at 9:26 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.