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Does your hubby/SO need validation?

Is this an inherent difference between the sexes? My hubby is highly successful, very good at what he does, an expert in his field. His accomplishments reflect that yet it seems it's never enough. Regardless of how well he does, he needs to hear it from others before he believes it, or so it seems.

I, on the other hand, know I'm great at what I do. Yes, I'm rewarded and acknowledged for it but I don't feed on that feedback from others. I am very confident in my abilities and gain satisfaction from a job well done; I don't need to hear it from my colleagues, superiors, family, friends, etc. It's nice, sure, but it doesn't change how I work or how I feel about what I do.

After all this time (we've been married close to 30 years) and after everything he's achieved, there's still this insecurity and a need for approval from others. It's really sad.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • It may not be the need for approval as much as it is the need for respect. Men need respect, especially from their wives, and that need lasts a lifetime. I have been married to my husband for more than 46 years, and he still needs to hear me say that I think he is a success, even when others find fault. The other thing he needs to hear is my appreciation for his efforts even in what may seem to be small things, so your hubby may need that from you, too.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:43 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • My husband thinks he's superman, no need to tell him.

    Answer by HKing01 at 10:40 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • My hubby likes to hear it, from me. He seems very confident in his job, his dealings with others in a professional setting, but he loves to hear that I still find him attractive, that I think he's doing a good job, or has made the right choice.

    Answer by blondenak at 10:42 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Actually, it's my FIL's validation in particular that he's always looking for, which he does get but it is never enough in his mind. He's just as successful as FIL ever was, though he did it with less - did not have the same opportunities but did it nonetheless. He just expends so much energy looking for OUTSIDE praise.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:57 AM on Feb. 23, 2011