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50/50 custody of 4 yo daughter - parenting time, what's a reasonable schedule?

So currently we have 50/50 custody of my daughter. We physically end up with her a lot more than half the time which is more than fine with me but she goes over there three nights a week and it ends up being every other day during the week. Her routine gets messed up and she's constantly asking when she's supposed to be where even though I've made up calendars and schedules with pictures to help her visually identify where she is and when and where she will be. I think she'd be better served by block time that didn't confuse her, break up her routine, and constantly change her scenery and the expectations that her different homes have of her. If you are familiar with this kind of situation... what are your thoughts? Please feel free to leave without posting if all you have to comment on is what kind of parent you think I am, honestly this post says nothing about what kind of parent I am or what kind of parents her other set are. I just want to know if you have any thoughts or advice on parenting time in or not in blocks. Sources would also be amazing and well appreciated

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ashleyaction

Asked by ashleyaction at 10:42 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,543 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • when we had 50/50 custody we did one wk here and one wk there...it worked for us because the kids werent in school yet....once school started it was 4days here and 4 days there
    macksmom716

    Answer by macksmom716 at 10:46 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • That seems to make a lot more sense. Did your kids ever get upset about not understanding where and when they were going?
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 10:52 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • My son is with his dad Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and every other Saturday. He's with me Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and every other Saturday. He'll be 5 in April.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 10:53 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Maybe the blocks of time is the better idea, just make sure it is all agreed to and the courts have it? I never had this with my ex, I have our son 100%

    ~*Hugs*~ for the little one caught in the middle
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:54 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • What about when school starts? Block of time... like a week here and week there would be easier
    MommaClark3

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 10:55 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • We had one week of three days the next week of 4 days with my stepson. He struggled like your daughter is. We recently (in November) switched to every other week, and he is doing much better with that schedule.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 10:56 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • We have 50/50 of sd. Currently, the schedule is:
    Sunday, monday, tuesday nights/wednesday Thursday nights/friday saturday nights. and the blocks of time continue like that. But one week we have her wednesday thursday nights and the next week its the other nights. Its great bc then we are seeing her often without huge 5 day blocks of not seeing her but it makes it hard for me to have a job bc my availablity is constantly changing. If we want to put her in lessons for anything all parental figures need to work together to get her there.
    I would prefer every week we have her the same days but that just doesnt work. sorry that doesn't seem to be as much help as I originally thought.
    Good for you to try to give your child as much time with each parent as possible=50/50!
    pioneergirl10

    Answer by pioneergirl10 at 10:59 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Thank you guys... I feel like this would be good for her. Honestly she is my daughter but she is my also my step daughter. I have two bio kids that we have full custody of and we allow parenting time to their bio dad every Friday and every other weekend (he's not terribly consistent though). My (step) daughter's bio mother would never sacrifice her work schedule to enable block time... I just wonder if there is any literature available as to what professionals think ideal split physical custody scheduling looks like. I just want what's best for my baby girl and I feel like there has to be some kind of standard and reasoning available. If there is proof that there is a standard that is likely to be good for her and it doesn't come from an opinion that my husband or I happen to have, it would hold more water. Thank you all so much, and if anyone has any sources please share them!!!
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 11:02 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I need to look in what the courts gave us. But, I think there was literature from the shared parenting class that had information for each age group. I am at work right now and will need to look at it when I get home tonight.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 11:05 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Other_Mother, you are sweet. Thank you. We are kind of torn as a family about this. She goes over to her other house at bed time and comes back early to mid afternoon the next day. It's just enough to leave her wondering what's going on?! Both houses have different rules. For example: at her other home she has no bed time and no siblings, they only take her when they don't have work the next day. So0o0o there is no expactation for her to go to bed at a certain time or stay there. She can also be as loud as she likes and she sleeps in the same bed as her bio mom. This means that when she comes back here it takes time to settle back into a routine, time she doesn't get. Last night (like most nights) she came into my bedroom more than a dozen times between 1:00am and 4:00am. She was loud and basically just wanted to be up and paid attention to accept my husband works at 5:00am and her brother is trying to rest and recover from
    ashleyaction

    Comment by ashleyaction (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

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