Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

I don't know what to do... please help me figure this out?

my SO told my parents he was going to claim our child this year. he provides everything for her. the only thing is that she lives here with me and my parents. if we need a ride, or groceries, diapers, or doctor's appointments, or anything. he handles all of that and the expenses. he's been a very good father. involved in our dd's life since she was born.

but when my parents found out they couldn't file my dd for their taxes they were furious. my SO tried to tell my mom, but she's really not the easiest person to talk to. i can't even really talk to her.

but i understand both sides of this situation. my parents have claimed our dd all the previous years and he wanted to do it this year. since he provides everything. except we don't live with him because we're not married (traditional parents). he has recently joined the military and all that for when we do get married.

but i feel caught in the middle. even if my parents and i don't always get along. and even if i borderline hate them. i still love and respect them. and understand that they pay for the house and utilities we use.

on the other hand the guy i'm supposed to marry has now decided to claim our dd this year since all his expenses go towards her.

i wish the IRS did half-sies lol. i'm so frustrated. i feel like i have to choose sides and i can't cuz i love them both. but now it's like they're tearing me apart. (again)

SO doesn't want me to be the middle man but considering how my relationships with both parties are i don't think it can be helped. i'm caught in the middle.

my parents are furious at him. and i kind of mad now too because i feel like he could've just waited until we were married to claim our DD for the rest of her life. my parents feel like he's totally disrespected him. and idk what to say. i feel like they could give him a LITTLE bit more credit. but i also am frustrated with SO right now because he knows things are financially tight.

i guess now would be a bad time to tell them about my PPD.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • You guys may have to come to an agreement where he claims her one year & your parents claim her the next year. It's not fair for either one of them to be claiming her every single year.

    You could always just be an adult, make your own decisions, marry him & move out. regardless how traditional you think you are, you guys had a child out of wedlock & need to take on that responsibility together.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:56 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • we're getting married in two months. thanks for that though.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:57 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • if he pays for all her expenses then i think he deserves to claim her, and your hole situation is the reason why you should have never started letting your parents claim his and your child


    Answer by Mrs.Prine at 10:58 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I feel your SO is really supportive and responsible, and this kind of man is hard to find nowadays.
    Perhaps you should trust him more.

    Do love and respect your parents, but in your mind do feel and understand that you're almost married to him...

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 10:58 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Has he looked into the legalities of his claiming her? It may not even be possible, since she lives with your parents and not him. One phone call to the IRS or a tax consultant might solve all your problems.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:00 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • it's funny because i asked this before (before he claimed her) asking about who should get to do it, and everyone else agreed (to my dismay) that my parents should claim her.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I didn't intend for that to sound harsh, although upon re-reading it....i have to apologize... I had a child out of wedlock, so I'm not looking down my nose at you at all. It's just not technically "traditional" to have a child out of wedlock to begin with.

    If you guys are getting married in two months, then your parents should never claim her again. Honestly, they should not be pissed about it. He is the father & has more right to claim her than they do, especially since he is a major part of supporting her. I agree, that they never should have claimed her to begin with. I take back my first post after thinking about it longer. If all his money goes towards her, then yes.....he should be claiming her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:03 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • If he is the one who pays the majority of her care he should be the one who claims her . Just because she is living under their roof doesn't give them the right to claim her she is not their child she is his. do they have custody of her. the only reason they are providing a roof over your head is because they don't want you two living with him without being married. do they claim you on their taxes? the tax law is who ever pays more than half of support which is him. I do not see how they have been able to claim her on their taxes all this time

    Answer by princesschilly at 11:03 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I would just ask your husband to let your parents claim your DD this year, if your getting married in 2 months for 2011, she will be claimed on you and your husbands taxes,, I don't think your parents are right, but it may be better to keep the peace when your getting ready to start a new life with him,, have you and or your parents figured out how much they will gain and or lose from the claim, I doubt it is a whole bunch of money,, just try to keep the peace, and if dear hubby won't change his mind, I guess in 2 months it won't be an issue! They will be unable to claim your daughter next year, also if he is paying child support, they might not have any choice in the matter, but just talk to your fiance and see if to keep it cool, he will let them have their way! Good luck, and congrats!

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:04 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • samurai_chica- thank you for the support (seriously). and to be fair, i was unclear. by "traditional parents", i meant my own parents. not me and my SO. i got pregnant in college, so i thought out of some form of respect i'd do as they say for once and live with them (until i get married)
    and princesschilly- that's what i tried to explain to them. but they said that because she lives here they get to claim her. i can't talk to them without getting put down. (you wonder why i rebel)

    God i hate my life. & i hate tax returns. LOL i bet you'll never hear anyone say that. i can't wait until i'm gone.

    and this just in: apparently they were going to use that portion to help pay for our wedding (which feels like a punch to balls). now what?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:09 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.