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2 Bumps

Why did he do this?

I had been talking to a man online and we had become really good friends. We both were very honest about our lives and what we had going on and we knew that this was something we would have to take slow. It was progressing along well and then he just flaked on me. He got all pissy at me for sending him a message asking him what was going on because I had not heard from him for a few days and we were usually chatting every day, so it was out of the oridinary for us not to talk.

Well that night he send me a message snapping at me do to work, family issues, and basically said he does not need this right now and that he will not take on anything else and then told me to have a nice night. I have not heard from him since. I did reply to him and got nothing back, and I even thought about it for a few days and just told him that I would not bother him anymore and obviously he had enough going on in his life and I was not going to add to it. I pretty much said goodbye. But it still does not sit well with me and I think there is more but don't think I will ever really know because he was one of those people that I actually really felt that "connection" with, more so than I have ever felt with anyone and there were times that I know he felt the same way. He told me he told me things he had never told anyone, not even his Ex-wife (when she was still his wife) and I felt things for him that I never felt with my ex-husband. But he just flaked on me and it makes me wonder what the hell really happened? But I can't push the issue any more with him because I have gotten no where. Maybe he wanted me to get lost and I just did not take the hint?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • You are better off without him. I did a lot of online dating and it is how I met my husband. But there were a lot of crappy men I had to go through to get to him. Just ignore this guy. By trying to communicate still with him, you are playing into his stupid little game.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 7:01 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He sounds married. I met a guy like that. He said he was a widower. Turned out he forgot to tell me he had remarried after his first wife died.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:45 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I had something like that with someone I knew many years ago and had reconnected with after about 20 yrs.
    Then outta the blue they tell me they can't be friends with me anymore and cut me out totally. I'm still like "huh?!"

    People have things they don't tell you, I think. In my friends case, I realized I was being used as a filler until someone came along to fill her needs. I was her "Between guys" friend. When she has a BF, she would chat for weeks, then when they'd break up she was all chatty and crying on my shoulder and realized I was simply being used. She did attempt to reconnect recently and I totally blew her off, she's not tried since.

    Its possible he found a woman and isn't need you anymore. Its possible he's got some real world stuff going on (sound slike it) that the chatter online isn't going to help with right now). I feel your pain. You want clsure. Maybe some day you'll get it.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:27 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Did you meet him in person or was this just an online type of thing? I will say this, "It is much easier to fall in love with the words on a screen, take sentences how we need to take them at that moment, and fall for any lie that is thrown our way, especially when we are looking to be loved or we feel the intense need to feel a connection to someone else"

    It sounds like he was pretty blunt in not wanting to talk to also sounds like maybe he took your message to be nagging or complaining.... and who knows, with his last relationship if she was the same way....that's why he took your message that way too.
    We have to be very careful how we word things when talking to people we don't want to hurt word or sentence can be taken a million different ways depending on your mood. Good Luck to you.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 11:27 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Unfortunately an in an online relationship is tough. You only know what the person reveals about themselves. You know only what they want you to know. Maybe the ex isn't an ex at all and she found your message. Maybe he has other issues, who knows. I'm not saying you don't have a connection though you can't really know him unless it's in person. Think of how difficult it is to have a connection in the flesh. You just can't know everything about some people, others can be an open book. It's hard to tell. It's best you moved on though. Be careful.

    Answer by chgomom at 11:28 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You might try one last time to ask him, but he may have your screenname blocked, so (an idea) is to set up a new screename, try to connect with him using that new name and see what you can find out (either as yourself - but you risk getting blocked again) or as a total stranger he doesn't know and just see if he opens up about whats been going down recently. Maybe he'll talk to "someone else" as long as its not you. Maybe its something embarrassing he doesn't want to admit to you, but a stranger, why not? He won;t know its really you in disguise.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 11:29 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I know he has some real world stuff going on, most of which he does to himself by overloading himself, but I wonder if I really know to what extent now. I think he is one of those people that decided he does not want to progress further because then he might have to make changes in his life. He always told me he did not want to hurt me and I always told him as long as he was honest he would not. But I feel like he was not honest with me, at least now how he did things and yes I did get hurt.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • i feel your confusion and hurt
    on line "relationships', i am now finding out are not real for the most part
    closure would be nice, but can not make someone explain things to you
    wish you good luck, tough out there in dating world
    i recently tryed it for the last month on line, and i am throwing in the towel
    hope you have better luck in the future

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:30 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • we did meet in person was to make sure there was at least an attraction in order to pursue things and we met and continued to chat. I know a lot of his situation as we live near one another and I am able to know what he told me was legit and vice versa......I guess I am just so put off at how he did this given that we got along so well and when he had his moods in the past, once they blew over he would apologize and tell me what was up. But this is totally uncharacteristic. Maybe I should just let it go but I don't know what to think and that is driving me nuts!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:34 AM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He carries his baggage, which you are not aware of.
    Some men don't want to be controlled, and maybe this guy has past controlling issues with mother or ex-wife.
    Perhaps he tested you that day, to see you you'd react if he'd dissappear for a day.

    You don't know his baggage, that's the problem. HE PUNISHED YOU FOR SOMETHING THAT ANOTHER WOMAN IN HIS

    Now, try to keep yourself busy and happy, and when he's not angry any more, he'll be back.
    I don't think he's had another relationship or something...


    Answer by lillyblue111 at 11:35 AM on Feb. 23, 2011