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Why can my DH not grasp that broke people (like us) live in 'not so good areas'

OMG! pour house is being foreclosed on because he last his job a couple years ago and replaced it at a much lower rate. Anyway we can't and haven't been paying the mortgage and the modification isn't going to help us. SO, I find a apt we can more than afford but it is in an area he doesn't like. I admit is it is higher in crime and the school suck but we can afford it. We make to much for Gov. aide so we are on our own. This is what we can afford. why can he not get that!? I am so sorry we don't make enough to live in a nice neighborhood with great schools but we just can't now. That life is gone. I can't get it to click for him. Why!? How can I put it more bluntly than that?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Money & Work

Answers (14)
  • Let him read this vent.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:46 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Hugs. I wonder if deep down he knows it but is just in denial that things are as bad as they are? I would make it a point to write up a budget and show him just what your financial situation is like-- how much is coming in, what bills are and what is left. Maybe once he sees it on paper he will realize what you say is true. I hope that finances get better and things work out for you!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 12:49 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Ask him what's more important, living in a nicer neighborhood or buying food and clothes for your kids. Maybe he'll get it then, that it's a choice between being "house poor" and having your kids have to do without, or living in a little bit worse neighborhood but being able to afford food and necessities for your kids. Also realize it's not permanent, a better job may come along. Good thing is you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and don't try to live above your means like a lot of people. Good luck!
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 12:52 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I think in therory he gets it, put when t actually comes down to him and his family it's harder too handle. Check with your kids' school- there may be a way that they don't have to leave their school.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 12:54 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • It probably isnt that he isnt hearing you, its more likely he hasnt accepted this is where your at. By moving to a bad side of town and in an area he doesnt see himself living he will have to admit things got this bad. For men, they feel ashamed and will often get depressed when they cant provide for their families. He is probably in denial, and this move is going to be a wake up call.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:54 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • that's tough. My family had a tough time when we were living in our old apartment. They really couldn't believe that we had to live in 'the slums' as they called it but really, what could we do? Eventually, because we made do with the crappy area/apartment and now we're able to afford something a little nicer. Just keep stressing that its temporary and if he's got an issue with it-well, he can find somewhere else to live, lol.
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 12:55 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He has to understand it is a temporary situation - you are already behind the 8 ball financially. You are doing what you can to survive.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 1:32 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Have you tried to find a family in a similar situation to share a home with you?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Well you can afford a nice place, you just have to look, we thought the same thing, till we looked around and found many nice places.

    Try the local housing authority too, public housing is everywhere, in the country in the suburbs in the city etc...

    It was a downer for me to be inan area we didnt like, but there are choices.
    IraqiVetWife

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 3:13 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • To admit to that is admitting failure to a man and he is trying to fight it. Just tell him it’s temporary until things pick up. Also, see if your child school district allows transfers to other schools to attend to as an option.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 3:20 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

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