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3 Bumps

Would you take you child out of school?

would you take your 10 yr old (5th grade) out of school for 2 days to take a short vacation? She has known that we are going to Kalahari (indoor waterpark) in May (a tues and wed.) (free from DH work) and we have told her and probably tell her aleast once a wk that if shes not doing good in school she wont go (she would go to her moms instead) she continues not to do good bringing home D's and F's on almost all tests and putting no effort into anything. I've helped her study but it doesnt help and at teacher conferences they all said there is no reason for her to be doing this bad but she sees school as a social event. I keep telling her i will be the one to talk her dad into letting her go or not but nothings changing she just got an F today on a Social studies test. I keep saying i will give her another chance (cause she would have fun there) but when do I say enough is enough?

Answer Question
 
tomsjennabean

Asked by tomsjennabean at 1:13 PM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 11 (561 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • the next time she does poorly, that would be the end. when you give kids chance after chance it just reinforces that they can get away with stuff and they won't take you seriously.
    erinwhitt

    Answer by erinwhitt at 1:16 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • She needs immediate consequences..not one that doesn't happen until May. She keeps doing what she's doing because all she hears is something is gonna happen..and it never does. She keeps getting more chances. She doesn't change because she doesn't believe you. In my house she would lose all privileges. No TV, radio, phone(cell or otherwise), computer, no movies period. She would not get anything back until evidence of improving grades came in. She would EARN them back one at a time and backsliding means she loses them again.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 1:18 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • So don't take her to waterpark. It sounds like it is time to draw that line.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Enough is enough now, tell her with the F she just lost her chance to go on the trip. Take it away now and make her try to earn it back. Let her have a nice couple of days to be so sad that she can't go, and then tell her that if she can get nothing below a C or whatever you deem acceptable from now until the trip then she can go, otherwise she won't get it back. I think it's easier motivation to have something already gone then have to try and get it back. Right now she probably feels like she gets to go and you are bluffing about it. I would go so far as to call her mom in front of her and set it up for her to take her those dates so she knows you mean business.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Either stop making threats or follow through when you do make a threat! If you tell her she cant go if she doesn't bring her grades up, dont let her go if she doesnt bring her grades up. Its that simple.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • we just had a similar issue with our dd....they are doing a field trip at school in march. she was having behavioral issues and we said if you can't follow the rules this week, you will not be allowed to go with your friends on this field trip. she didn't earn it and is not going.

    it is having a huge impact on her b/c she knows there are clear consequences that we absolutely will follow up on wheather or not it's an inconvenience to us or not.

    stand your ground!! she needs clearly set rules and boundaries to learn what is expected of her. she'll catch on. keep up the good work!! :o)
    liteofmine71

    Answer by liteofmine71 at 1:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Enough is enough yesterday. No, unfortunately you can't take if her if that is the reward that you set. Personally, I think I would have set some smaller, more frequent rewards to get her on the right track before I took something like this away, but that is water under the bridge now.

    Do you have other children to take to the water resort? If not, I would cancel the trip and set a future date, then take the vacation money and spend it on a good tutor or learning center for her. And let her know the vacation money is going towards tutors. Her education is going to be her keys to her future and that HAS to be the priority, and you need to send that message, no matter how hard the lesson.

    D's and F's are intolerable...I don't even know how she is getting the F, that is beyond lack of trying. Not handing things in perhaps?

    Anyway. You are doing good, I respect trying to get this girl on the right path, and stick to your guns!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 1:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • totally agree with you. I would do the same but i believe theres a fine line with me punishing since im only Stepmom. DH feels bad punishing cause of her background (which compared to tons of kids is not that bad) and her mom is out of the pic even when SD goes over there everyother weekend she hardly sees her mom. If MY kids ever act like that in school they will be sorry lol
    tomsjennabean

    Comment by tomsjennabean (original poster) at 1:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I think your at the stage of enough in giving her the chances. Just cancel the outting. It's too bad.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 1:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • If it is really a case of her not doing her work, I'd say stand by your word and have her not go. My parents were known for not keeping their word.
    So if she doesn't go, are you going to go anyway?
    So how does mom feel knowing that going to her place was going to be the punishment?

    maybe it would have been better to pick another punishment for this.
    I think you should keep your word, if she has bad grades then she doesn't get to go. I wonder if she's expecting you to keep your word on that?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

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