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7 Bumps

What would you do?

My SO and I broke up a while back and during that time i ended up having a fling with another man. It ended as fast as it began and me and SO reconnected a few weeks later. I was open and honest about my fling but SO now claims i cheated. He says he has no trust for me and has told me if i ever go on facebook again, we're threw. I only have facebook to keep in touch with FEMALE friends and we all show our kids off. I've offered him to see it, he refuses. I love him, i've never cheated or thought of doing so, we have a child together and i feel like he's trying o control everything. He's always getting on me about who i'm talking to and he's mad that i have a cellphone yet he's went threw and seen i've done nothing wrong. What would you do if you were me?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:36 PM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • If you were broken up, then that isn't cheating. Sounds like SO has issues, and perhaps you should have stuck with being broke up.
    I mean, really.... You did nothing wrong, and he has no trust in you what so ever, even though you go out of your way to prove he has no reason to mistrust.
    How do you think this effects your child? If you think they don't see this HUGE problem, you're mistaken.

    Come on.
    You know you deserve to be treated better than that by a far stretch. If he doesn't want to be that man, then he isn't the right man.
    SpaceToast

    Answer by SpaceToast at 5:40 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • This is NOT advice by any means..this is just ME and what I would do in that situation.
    I would just stay off facebook and call my friends on the phone to keep in touch or go over to visit them instead.
    I would hand over my phone and say I don't care..I've nothing to hide from you, go ahead and look.
    I wouldn't try to coax his ego but I wouldnt fight against his "need" to know..and I would hope over time and my willingness to be an open book would make him feel better and more secure in our relationship and he'd back off a little once he realized I've got nothing to hide from him.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:42 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Id leave. Without trust there is no love, not real love anyway. What kind of life is that to lead? You really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesnt even trust you enough to have a cell phone without going through it? Sorry but for me I expect more. I look at it like this. I am a grown woman and if I want to talk to someone I will, man, woman or child. My dh can either trust me, or he can leave. Its up to him. I am not changing myself though for anyone. I dont think you should have to either.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:42 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He sounds like the jealous/control freak type. It's up to you if you want to put up with it or not.
    sydash11

    Answer by sydash11 at 5:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • SOUNDS LIKE SO HAS ISSUES, HUNNY, NOT YOU. FOR ONE, YOU WERE BROKE UP. MY DH AND I BROKE, BEFORE MARRYING, AND GOT BACK TOGETHER A YEAR LATER, AND HE FOUND OUT THE GIRL HE SLEPT WITH WAS PREGO WITH HIS KID. IM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT, BUT ITS PART OF OUR LIFE NOW. WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. YALL WERE NOT TOGETHER, ITS NOT CHEATING. POINT BLANK. IF HE IS TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR FB, CELL PHONE, AND WHO YOU TALK TO, HE CAN AND WILL PROBABLY BECOME WORSE, MAYBE EVEN ABUSE. THATS NOT LOVE AT ALL. MY BEST ADVICE IS LEAVE. CHILDS FATHER OR NOT, YOU DONT DESERVE THAT. EITHER CONVINCE HIM TO GO TO COUNCILING OR LEAVE HIM. THATS ALL I CAN OFFER WITH THIS ONE.
    sissy4444

    Answer by sissy4444 at 5:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Sounds like you need to get some things straight with each other and if he is that hard headed you need to stop trying.
    HKing01

    Answer by HKing01 at 5:56 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • did his controling action split you two up in the first place?
    if not, what did
    could show a pattern
    ??
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:57 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Trust is very important in a relationship, but it is even more important showing mutual respect.


    You are a free woman that does not need to ask for permission to go to Facebook and chat with her friends, have a cellphone and talk to anyone you feel like. Respect yourself and don't feel bad for doing things that are part of your daily live.  I think that he may have some issues and well... jealousy is a bitch.

    Sarah-Mc

    Answer by Sarah-Mc at 6:54 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Um, leave his controlling ass. Now.
    flmomma4

    Answer by flmomma4 at 7:29 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • If the two of you weren't together when you had the fling you were not cheating. Now that he wants to control everything, I would rethink the relationship with him. Do you want to be a prisoner for the rest of your life? Think about it!
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 8:21 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

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