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2 Bumps

Have u ever had to be fake?

In order to be a part of my SIL life, who has cancer. I have to put on my smile and be nice to her BF. He has pretty much destroyed every relationship that she has some family and some friends. Several of us have offered to help them in taking her to her radiation and chemo treatments, but he insists on taking her. He does not have a job and he is pretty much getting anything he wants right now because of this. He has 2 vehicles a home that she is paying for several very expensive bikes and guitars. He had none of this before he met her. He whines and says oh u don't love me if she does ask for someone else to take her to her appt. He is with her 24/7 and i understand that she does need him he makes her happy and does help her alot. But it is all at the expense of not having anybody else in her life, and yes i have talked to him about this but it seems that i have made it worse because she will not answer anybody's text or e-mails. So many people had come to visit her and he just makes them feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome that they only text or call and now she will not even respond to them.. I have not heard 1 person say that they like him. I understand that people deal with these things in their own way but she was always the type that loved to be around friends and family. So if i do want to be a part of her life i have to put on my smile and be nice because the last thing that i want to do is cause her any stress. So many of us r biting our tongues and being fake because we know that she loves him and wants him there. Also she is paying his child support for his 2 children that he maybe goes to see 1 time a month now. My fear is that we r not sure how long we may have with her and i feel that he is taking prescious time away from us. I even got a babysitter for my son 1 time a week so that i could help out but they sleep all day so noone can visit and then stay up all nite when they know that people cannot come over at this time. So when u call to see if it's ok to visit, it is always well they r sleeping.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I've never 'had to' put on a smile and be nice to anyone. I can remain neutral and disengaged no matter what someone else is going through --because circumstances don't drive my behaviour, I do.

    I can be atrociously polite without being even slightly nice.

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:38 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • For years I would fake my "like" for my MIL, finally I gave up and now my life is so much easier not worrying about trying to keep her happy.

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:34 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Yes, I have to be fake around my ex-husband's girlfriend. He knows I hate her, she knows it too but if I show it she'll push him to do something to hurt me like threaten to take me back to court and fight for custody and stuff like that. She has bad mouthed me and my ex in front of OUR children, she treats my ex like shit in front of my girls. I hate that he's trapped with her, he can't afford his own place and has no one he can stay with plus he has one kid with her and another on the way and she'll do everything possible to make sure he gets as little time with his kids as possible and if he left her he'd be paying child support for 5 kids (my two, her two, and the son he had when he was cheating on his girlfriend). She purposely does things to piss me off like wear my ex's hoodie that I bought him when we went out to a concert for an anniversary and has my daughters listed as her children on her FB page.

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 10:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • I told her Bf how i felt about him 1 nite when i had went into visit with her and he was being rude. I did not do this in front of my SIL because she has more important things to worry about and i didn't want her to worry about us getting along. It is just so hard seeing how much he controls her, but then see how much she loves him makes me sick because he has changed the person that she was. :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:52 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • you need to go back there and when you want to visit let him know to back the fuck off. you are there to visit your SIL, he doesn't need to be around her 24/7 especially when she has visitors. i know its hard because she is sick and you don't want any stress on her but let her know that family comes first. and you guys want to be there to help and see her. and let him know the one time she has an appt that you are taking her period. and how is she paying for his shit, because i'm assuming she has to be on medical leave or something. and to pay his child support she really is a saint.

    Answer by lucky35 at 4:05 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • we hatve a family business that takes care of alot of things and yes i have asked him to go inside when i come there but he is afraid that i might say something about him so he won't leave. I have had to be nice to him when he is around because i realize that he is not going anywhere. Now i believe that she is going to buy them a house away from here and we will only see her on holidays. that way he has total control, and how can a man have any kind of control to a relationship when he doesn't even have a job. This just makes me sick at my stomach and i cannot even sleep. I have been in her life since she was 9 yrs old and the person that we knew before he came along would always be here with her family. My husband feels the same way but we know if we say to much they will move and never look back. :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:05 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

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