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3 Bumps

Do I break up my family?

I am having a really hard time making a decision. I was a sahm for the past 3.5 years, basically since my DS was born.
To make a really long story very short we moved to another country because hubby had businesses that were doing well there, and because he had lost his job in the states and we had no means to survive on. I had JUST finished college when all of this happened. I lived in the other country (hubby´s and my home country) for about 8 months, at first unsure about it, and right when I was loving it, we experienced criminal violence firsthand in our home, and became absolutely sure that I wanted to come back to the states. I was also done staying home all day with no DS, who is in preschool part time and with DH´s family at least 2 hours a day. So, I looked for a job, but it is a very poor country with very few jobs, looked for a few months. Nothing. Got a job offer in the states, and now I am here in the states, no DH, no DS. Its only been about a month... I miss them extremely.
Now I am stuck. Should I stay here? Pick up DS once I get my own place and live here without hubby (he is kind of unwilling to come live here again, which I do understand, the quality of life we have in our home country is far beyond better than the quality of life we will ever have in the states because we will both have to work full time jobs) or do I go back home and just keep my family together while continuing to put my wishes and desires for a career to a side?
Here is a little more background info. Hubby makes what is considered a great living in our home country. The equivalent of about three thousand dollars a month (the average family in the same country makes the equivalent of about 400 dollars a month)...
Here is the problem, he does not make enough for us to have all of our furniture, we have all the necessary things, but not ideal as we used to (we lost everything in storage, because when in states, before leaving to our home country, we couldn´t even afford to pay the storage unit, it was that or food on the table).. We also don´t have a car in our home country (we had one financed and could not afford to pay it after hubby lost his job in the states), hubby rides a moped, which is the most common form of transportation in the country we live in... Another issue, the only school that are accredited by the US are in the Capital, which is about a 35 min. drive and something that may be a little out of our range to pay (if I don´t have a job)...
Here is the thing.. if I choose to stay in the states for about a year, I could buy us everything we need, all the furniture and a vehicle... But that would be a big sacrifice, meaning I only see DS and DH every 2-3 months for two to three days, PLUS, which is the biggest issue, I am not sure if I want to go there and do the same thing I was doing, feel like I am doing NOTHING with my life, there is only ONE way I would be absolutely sure I would go back happily, and that is getting a job in this ideal place loving what I would love to do, earning US dollars, and being able to fill out my tax return every year while living abroad... THAT would allow me to pay for DS´s school, allow us to move to the capital (which for DH is not ideal, but has accepted, given the correct circumstances, which means my having the job I want which is in the Capital as well... )
What I desire however, right now, given our current situation in our home country, is to go pick up DS and make my life here... but that would mean I would be doing it as a single mother... Would you break up your family?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Feb. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If it were me, and mind you I have never been in this situation, no matter what my happiness entails, I would not leave my child.

    If that meant not having the job or live the life I dreamt of, then so be it. I gave up on MY dreams once I had a child. It now became about their dreams. And most children dream of having their parents, mostly their mom, near them to guide and care for them.

    I would move back or se about getting your son with you. However, depending on where your son was born, if in the US I believe that you can bring him here without issues. But if born abroad, it may be kidnapping if you take him.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:44 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Nope.

    I wouldn't have entertained the job offer in a different country from my family in the first place and I would never have gone to so far to work, certainly not to find 'something to do' for a couple of hours a day.

    If I didn't need any extra money I'd have selected volunteering and if I did need the money, I'd have looked for some type of work from home (writing, editing, online proofreading, web design, anything) rather than looking for a job in a place where few exist.

    Answer by LindaClement at 9:47 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • No, my DS was born in the US, he is a US Citizen, and I am his legal guardian. That is not an issue whatsoever. IDK if you read the whole thing, it is kind of long... Bringing my DS to live with me as soon as I move to my own place is an option, the one I am leaning towards the most, just that that means his father will not be a part of his life for 90% of it as he will be living in another country.. Do I have a right to do that to DS? It is NOT easy for me.. AT ALL.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Oh, I wasn't saying that it was easy for you and I did read it but either way you cut it, you either move back, stay where you are without DS, or take DS away from his father.

    I would move back. But each family has to do what's best for them. Sounds like moving there was only best for DH not you. That needs to be taken into consideration.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:51 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • Yeah.. I feel like this move has only been good for him, though at the time it was the best decision. . . He is a great provider, and he felt helpless not being able to provide us with our needs. . . It has proven to have been best for him rather than us as a whole.. I can´t blame him for it though, at the time it was in all of our best interests..

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:55 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • You have to do what is right for you, but I would not leave my children no matter what. I might encourage my husband to do so if need be to survive but I would not separate from them.

    Maybe I missed something, but is it not possible for your husband to come back to the states with you?

    Answer by jamesonjustines at 10:43 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

  • He is extremely unwilling, with justifiable reasons.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:45 PM on Feb. 23, 2011

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