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My ex filed for full custody today

so i need some quick input from you ladies...my ex filed for full custody today. the last 3 years of our sons life hes been nonexistant. the only reason he is filing now is because last month i got married and moved 250 miles from our home town. im still in the state. he claims i never notified him, but i did. he also claims that i am emotionally unstable. now heres a little background on my ex...he has two felonies, a history of drug use and selling drugs, which he is still doing. he has never taken our son by himself, the only time he sees him is if his parents take our son, then he goes an visit. my husband is in the military and is coming down on orders to move to south carolina, and were expecting our first child together. my husband has been more of a father to my son than his own father. ive been informed by a lawyer that when the time comes the if my sons father does not agree to us leaving the state that i would be forced to be 14 hours away from him, just to keep my son close to his dead beat father. anyone been in a similar situation?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Listen to your attorney. He or she should be familiar with these cases. This can go what ever way the Judge feels it should , is the bottom line. If your attorney is worth his salt he will know how to bring forth the negatives on your ex husband. He will probably point out all of the things that you said about him. Did your divorce say you have to notify him (ex) if you move OR the friend of the court? If you only had to notify the court then you did what you needed to. Does he pay his child support? did he keep his regular visits with his son? All of those questions will probably be brought out. So just relax and let the attorneys and court figure it out. Stay informed for sure and work with your attorney. You alone cannot fix this so take care of yourself, your son and your unborn and let it go to court. Good Luck hope it all works out for you.
    gammiej

    Answer by gammiej at 2:32 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • im not in ur situation but i defintly feel for u. i think its bs wat the lawyer said why should you guys have to rearrage ur lifes over a father who has never been. does he pay child support? i think he is jus bitter cuse u moved on, he wants to use ur son as an excuse, which is so wrong. i wish u luck dnt let him get the best of u. mothers know best.
    Sweetandsasymom

    Answer by Sweetandsasymom at 2:32 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I'm in a similar situation. My ex filed for physical possession. Total joke. But the court has to take it seriously. The judge ordered us (me, him and the kids) to undergo a psych evaluation to determine where the kids would be better off. I have no doubt that the psychologist will say me as their dad has no parenting skills whatsoever. As for moving, my SO lives in VA. But I can't move to be with him because my divorce decree says I can't move my kids out of state without permission from their dad. There's no way he will grant that as he is still very bitter. So I have to file a motion to ask the judge for permission. I don't think the judge will grant it as they rarely take kids away from their father no matter how much of a jerk he's been. So I'm stuck until they get old enough to say they want to live with me no matter what state I live in. I'm told that's usually around 12-14. Good luck with your case.
    Inloveagain

    Answer by Inloveagain at 2:50 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I don't know if u knew this, but there are 4 kinds of child custody. There is physical custody this refers to the right to live with one's child. Divorce would be good example and u share custody. The other 3 is .. Legal custody---this refers to the right that one parent can make decisions regarding ;their child's life Sole legal custody means that one parent has the right to make all such decisions but the other parent still has the right to visit.. Joint legal custody means that the parents share in the decision making.
    There is some good news is there is an exception to this includes cases in which one of the parents is abusive, uncooperative or alcohol- or drug dependent. So if u can, go to the police station see if u can get his record on these charges. if u can't your atty can. Also, u can tell the judge that he hasn't paid a dime of child support. in all these yrs. He hasn't even visited his own kids.

    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:53 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Also the fact he is selling drug will not win over the judge! lol It also will be easier for to declare him unfit then to prove u unfit or have 'issues' and even if you were emotionally unstable its probably his fault anyway! Ask your atty u want to explore other avenues, such as fulll legal custody. Then u can your lawer he does drugs and sells drugs. The proof of that would be at the police station then your atty can get this info as 'proof' and its another reason why he isn't for the child' best interests. Let me know what happens ok?? :)
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 4:19 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I talked with a friend of mine and he told me about this "Equal Protection Clause." This pertain to a parents who had spent very liltle time with the child. In your case since he biological father had participated very little in rearing the child, he did not have the same rights under the Equal Protection Clause that a more involved father would have. U also do not want to alienate your child against their father/mother. Besides damage.u do to your child, its very illegal and the dad woul have the chance to sue u
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 5:05 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • You would not necessarily have to be away from your son. Once your DH receives his orders, file with the Courts to request that they allow the move. Show proof that you have been the primary care taker. If you have been documenting the father's visitation, then show that to the Court to show that he has not been involved. If you haven't been documenting, start now (PM me, I will tell you what you need to document--BTDT). From now on, ONLY communicate with him through email, text, and Certified Mail (keep copies of everything sent, and make sure to put the Certified Mail number on the letters you type) so that you have proof.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 19, 2011

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