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2 Bumps

Does your child's grandparents undermine you?

Mine do. Constantly. My mom doesn't think I know how to do ANYTHING. She will literally change my kid's clothing and hair when they are at her house or when she comes to my house to get them, right there in front of me! My dad actually told dh and I a few years back when we had just one child that it was not a good idea to take ds to theme park, that he could get snatched up in a heartbeat, but yet he took ds not long after that comment several states away on a trip and didn't bother to say a word to us! I found out after ds got back. Things like this happen all the time. I don't know what else to do or say. I've tried talking to them calmly, I've tried keeping my kids from being down there, and NOTHING works. They get all mad at me and then call me constantly everyday and ask if my kids are ok, like I'm incompetent!!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I would again have a conversation with them and if they don't get it, get away from them for a while.  Don't answer the phone.  This is your child and your wishes need to be respected.  My inlaws did some of the same things.  They would constantly belittle me and tell me everything that I was doing wrong.  Finally I told them to eat it and get off of me.  They listened thankfully, lol.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:09 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I tried not answering the phone before and they pounded on the front door!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:11 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Oh your kidding me.  Lose it on them.  If nothing else is working, you gotta do what you gotta do.  Either ignore them or seriously stand up for yourself.  YOU know what's best for your child.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:13 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • MrsHouston, I WISH I was kiding. No this is a serious problem. Tey envoke guilt in me easily too by trying to break things off. My dad nearly died a couple of years ago(he's ok now that he had surgery). They try to guilt trip me into ltting them see the kids no matter what they've done. They don't even tell me they love me anymore or want to do anything with me. It's like they literally hate me.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:17 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I do not see this as undermining. I see this as a grandparent taking an active part in the raising and care of their grandchildren. What seems to be happening is that you are struggling with your parents or spounses parents. You need to be validated and you see things as a challange rather than as support, help and experience. As a parent you know how much you love your children. They love you and your children they want to have input they should be encouraged to be an active part. If you stop your struggle, your family could all benefit.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:41 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • They tell my children that Idon't know what I'm doing and they tell them they don't have to do what I or dh say. That's undermining.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:45 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • That's definitely undermining, and no, you don't have to put up with it. Put your foot down. TELL them that you're not going to allow your children to stay with them if that is how they are going to treat you! It's not healthy for a child to have someone telling them that their parents basically do not matter! My MIL does the thing with changing the clothes, but I just let that go. It's when she tells the kids they can do something AFTER I've already told them no that gets me- and I call her on it. Sit down and CALMLY talk, and if they do not change their ways, tell them they can come to your house to visit, but that your kids will not be going to their home anymore. Hope this helps!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 8:41 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Your parents obviously don't respect you. Has your husband stood up for you? I can only image what my husband would do if my parents took our children out of state without permission. Your parents remember you as a little girl, but unless you have known your husband since childhood their image of him is probably always as an adult. That might be very usefull in getting them to back off.
    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 8:53 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • not too bad..only with church. but my son likes going so its really harmless. he knows when he comes home its back to the routine. They just piss me off with all their hell talk
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:54 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Nothing is going to change until you go off on them since simply talking hasn't done a thing. You don't have to let them see your children and if they are going to teach your children to be disrespectful than they are doing more harm than good and IMO protecting my children, even from their own grandparents, comes before anything else. This isn't just about them undermining you as a parent; they are damaging the emotional well being of your children and family as a whole. Tell them your children will no longer be visiting but they are welcome to visit you so long as they are respectful of you and your home, they step over that line once and ask them to leave or else they won't take it seriously. My mother will argue and bad mouth me in front of my kids, tells my kids no one loves them as much as she does, gives them whatever they want and gives in to their tantrums so I know at least a bit about what your going through. GL.
    momof2inCT2007

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 8:58 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

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