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How to behave?

One of my first grader's daughter bit my daughter's finger after school on the playground. My daughter did not tell me anything until we came to the car to go home. The girl told to my daughter that she have to bear it if she wants to play with her...
The context is that my daughter is an immigrant minority in mostly white school, this other girl is very popular white, pretty rich girl...She probably will deny anything and her parents will for sure cover her...
My husband told to let it go, but I feel that my daughter is a toy...a chowing object of that girl...
What do you think?

Answer Question
 
ganna04

Asked by ganna04 at 6:09 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 14 (1,468 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I would definitely say something to the mom. If the mother doesn't believe you...then whatever....go on about your day.

    I would not want my DD playing with that child & if i was alone with that child, i would tell her "my daughter will not be playing with you if you ever bite her again, that is NOT cool".

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:12 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I agree. You should tell the mother. I would also suggest a little extra time spent with your daughter reinforcing that good friends do not treat people like this and that she's worthy of friendships that aren't hurtful.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:19 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • How would you say it to mom? Especially after i told her that our daughters had a good time together... "Your daughter bit mine yesterday on the playground"?
    ganna04

    Comment by ganna04 (original poster) at 6:20 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • say it just like that. Your feelings are transferred to your daughter. You appear to have a resentment towards this little girl. If this resentment is justified, I would not want my child playing with her. But if it has more to do with your self image and beliefs, I would back off and examine my own attitude.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 6:26 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I would address it almost like you did here. Say, "I wanted to let you know that my daughter told me that your daughter bit her. Your daughter said that she wouldn't be her friend if my daughter didn't let her." Then just let the conversation happen. Be matter of fact and see how the mother reacts to the statements.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 6:27 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Thanks, I am going to speak with the mom. No resentment toward the girl. I frankly thought the girls played well together so far. It is just my husband told me that I do not have any proof, I do not know what happen exactly and therefore should not even start this conversation...
    ganna04

    Comment by ganna04 (original poster) at 7:03 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I would say something to the school, not the mom. In 1st grade kids do alot of really stupid things because they are kids. I wouldnt jump to the well my dd is an immigrant thing just yet. I worked in a school, volunteer at my dds school (shes in kinder) and kids really dont see things that way until they get a little older. Mostly at that age (6-7) when they do something like that its something they saw somewhere else, and they are being mean just to be mean, and theyll do it to whoever is closest to them. So like I said, go to the school because its a behavior issue they have to take care of.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:02 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • This happened after school, on the school play area. My daughter's teacher and some parents do seem to have issues with immigrant children generally, but this is separate story, that yet makes my husband to be cautious of the situation. Yet I agree with you that this girl simply was mean with no any other implications.
    ganna04

    Comment by ganna04 (original poster) at 8:11 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • i would just talk to the mom i had to have that talk with a mom but her daughter hit my daughter and i just told her im sorry but i cant have your daughter play with mine because of her hitting mine the girl hit my daughter so hard it left a mark and was brused for awhile
    devinalexis

    Answer by devinalexis at 8:20 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I guess I think a little different than some of the women on this page but im not a huge fan of confrontation. I would use this opportunity as a way to teach my daughter to teach people how she would like to be treated. Also a way of learning to stand up for herself in a situation that others may just conform to whatever the "popular" girl wants. I too am a mother of a minority girl and I always strive to teach her that other people are not always going to do or say the right thing so it is important for her to be an example to others of how she would like to be talked to or how she would like to interact with others. And also, there is a very good chance that the mother of the little girl could just turn this into a bickering match. I really hope that I was able to help you some.. good luck!
    familynsni

    Answer by familynsni at 9:13 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

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