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If I am making the right decision, why do I feel like crap?

Been living with my parents for 2 months so far. I am 22 and have a 16 month old daughter. My husband is deployed and my parents were adamant that I come home to live with them so I could have a support system. That had always been the plan if my husband was to deploy. He has been gone for about 2 1/2 months so far.
Since I got here we have had our share of disagreements, I have felt like my parents have stepped on my toes with my daughter. I myself haven't been able to progress as a mother. We used to live in Montana but my parents moved to Germany, thus, here I am, with no car, and 30 minutes from anything. In order to go anywhere I have to fit into their schedule which makes sense since they are on gas rations and we live so far from base.
I haven't been able to make things work and have been miserable.
I recently decided that I had had enough and bought a plane ticket back to the states and I leave Sunday. My mom was hurt by my choice and I reassured her that I was doing it for the right reasons as I do feel that I am for my daughter. If it was just me, I would make things work.
The closer Sunday gets the sicker I feel. I wake up sick every morning since I bought the ticket.
I feel bad for leaving my mom and my sisters and can't seem to shake the sadness.
I go back and forth about feeling that it is the right decision. I have to keep telling myself why I chose to leave in the first place otherwise I find myself wondering if I should stay.
If I am making the right decision why do I feel so shitty about it?

Answer Question

Asked by 1stTimeMommy101 at 8:11 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (174 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Because you know that it is the best for you and your child to stay with your mother. You made an impulse decision and now you feel stuck in it. There are going to be problems and inconveniences no matter what. You have to learn how to make the adjustments for the better. It is very interesting that you do not tell us what you are going back to and for.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:16 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Thats something only you can answer. Do you have a way to support yourself and your child when you come state side? WIll you have a car or way to get around? All these things can be why you feel like crap if you dont have everything planned out. You could be worried. That alone will make you feel like crap.
    I know how you feel though I had to live with my mom and step dad when I was 32 due to a divorce and they did all the same things. I also had no car etc etc. I went out and got a job, saved my money and got my own apartment as soon as I could though.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:17 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • The change you made is drastic! It is no surprise that the adjustment would be tremendous. It's hard to know what to say not knowing if you have friends where you lived in Montana, an apartment, etc. If you did have friends and had esatblished a home in Montana I would say you are right in going back. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:17 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Plus I meant to say you feel the way you do because these are hard decisions and cause a lot of stress. Put your needs and the needs of the baby first and you will find the right answer.

    Answer by elizabr at 8:24 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Without knowing more of the background, I think it's impossible to offer an opinion of why exactly you feel like crap (whether it's because you just feel guilty for hurting your mom's feelings, or if it's because it's not the right thing to do, etc)

    I do want to tell you that just because you feel badly, it doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong thing to do. Some of the best decisions I've made in my life were also some of the most painful at the time they were happening, but in the long run, it's what was right.

    Good luck to you--I hope everything works out for your family either way.

    Answer by vicesix at 8:29 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • You feel that way because your mother and family are hurting right now, I felt much like you when I lived with my mother after my ex-husband and I split. I also had plenty of disagreements with her and she often interfered with me being a parent to my two small daughters; I came to the same conclusion as you - that as much as it helpful to have the support of family and as much as I love my family its important to feel like you are the one raising your child, its important to be able to make the parenting decisions without interference from anyone else. Obviously some advice from family is normal when it comes to raising your own child but there is a line and when our parents cross it it takes away from us and in the end we have to do what we think is best regardless of how the rest of the family may feel at first. Once you prove to your family you can handle this they may change their perspective and you'll all be happier. GL

    Answer by momof2inCT2007 at 8:30 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • you and your daughter need each other right now. you dont have hubby and she doesnt have daddy. and with people not letting you be the mother you want to be is making it harder for her. i think you are doin the right thing and when you get back to the states there are support groups out there for you. we are alot stronger than we think until we are put in situations where we have to be strong. you will make it and you will get your daughter through it. good luck mom your doing the right thing

    Answer by jodi205 at 8:31 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • what u are feeling is going away to be an independent parent there is no reason to like crap ,i read your story and u have to do what right for u and your daughter. your 16 month old daughter is there during looking the confusion that is going on in the house. no child should be subjected to that and another thing is that u are a mother and u should be able to make decision about your daughter well being.grand parents need to step back and allow u to make decisions as independent parent and wait untill u ask for their advice. your parents are not willing to do that and that why u and your parents are fueding. they did their job raising u. u are doing the right thing yes u love them and they should love u to allow u to be an independent parent and support u in what ever decision u have made to do.i am with u on this one as a parent of 2 kids which is grown 23, and 21, i have a son and daughter i had to do the same thing ,yes

    Answer by festival at 8:38 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • You feel this way because it's a tough decision, but you need to be happy. You've made your choice and you should stick to it. You've explained to your family why you need to move out and they should understand. At some point, I'm sure they will. It'll just take time. You tried it; it didn't work. You've heard the expression "no two women can live under the same roof"? It's very true; it takes a lot of work and energy. I think you deserve a pat on the back, a hug, something for being married, having a child, and making decisions on your own at such a young age. I have a 23 yr. old daughter who barely gives me the time of day, lives at home, has no car, a job, but no money, and a boyfriend who is jerking her around. I'd give anything if she would stand on her own two feet successfully. Have a safe trip and good luck to you and your daughter!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:45 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I always told my children when they were your age, "Whenever you have any doubt, don't do it." The way you judge a good decision is by whether or not you have peace about it. I don't think you have peace about this, so I personally would not make such a move. You can always go later and sometimes, it's not about the decision you make but it's about the timing of the decision. It might be that you should go back but now isn't the time. I would stay put.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:09 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

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