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Parents of two children or more...question

Ok, I have two daughters, ages 2 and a half, and 11 months. I was just wondering if any other parents feel the same way I do or if there is something wrong with me...I have a soft spot I guess you could say for my older one, I don't like feeling that I have a favorite, because I don't think parents should have favorites, but I was just wondering if anyone else has this issue, and if it goes away as you spend more time with the younger child? I was thinking maybe I feel this way because I have had more time with my older daughter, but from the day she was born, my love was so intense, and with the second, I love her, but the feelings were never as strong. that could be because she is my second child, but I don't like feeling a difference between them...any input is appreciated..


Asked by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It's common and there is nothing wrong with you.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:59 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I feel a special bond with each of my children, but there is a special thing with the oldest....dont worry you will feel something for the smaller 1, perhaps you just need more time...once she starts showing more personality.

    Answer by LuvMyMedic3ID at 8:52 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • My oldest and me have always been closer only because I had her 3 yrs before having a second so we spent alot of time together one on one. I also was a teenager when I had her so I was a kid and now that shes almost 22 we basically grew up together (I am 39). I have 5 kids now and I love them all with all my heart and soul. I dont have a favorite. They all have different attributes and personalities and once you look at it that way and find the things that make them unique you will love them both the same way and feel close because of that. For instance my 2nd child and me butt heads bc he is just like me. I love him for that. My 3rd child and me are close, he is autistic and its a different relationship then with the first 2. My 4th is very emotional, I love him for that. My 5th is a social butterfly and outgoing and reminds me of my mom. Just find the things in them both that make them unique.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:54 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I have 5 and I don't have a favorite among them. There may be times when I feel closer to one of them due to something special they did, but I feel that for different ones at different times.

    Answer by missanc at 8:54 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I have three girls ages 9,7,6 and I love them all the same. You might have more in common with the oldest since can do things with her but once your baby gets older and more fun you will love her just as much as the oldest. I sure did with mine. It just takes time to adjust to having another kid around but it does get better trust me. Just spend time with them both together and apart and your love will shine for them both.

    Answer by momindiana at 8:56 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I do not remember ever having felt that way. I suppose it could be the result of some deep philosophical or psychological something, but whatever it is, it is something that you need to really work on. The younger child will sense your feelings, even if you never give voice to them, and the result will be that she will feel inferior and unwanted for the rest of her life. If I were you, I would also really work on trying to figure out why you feel this way. Some possibilities are that the second child was unplanned and therefore feels like an interruption, that there is something about the younger child that reminds you of something you dislike about yourself or someone else for whom you have great dislike. Whatever the problem is, try to remember that it lies with you and not with her--she's just a baby, but even babies can sense when they are unloved or less loved. So try to keep your feelings at bay so they don't harm her.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:59 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Maybe once you've had time to really bond with your second daughter, your feelings will change. I have 4 children, all adults now. I love them all, but each of them in a different way. So it's not abnormal to have different feelings for each of them. My second son was closer to me than my first son when he was a baby. He is to this day. We have a very emotional connection. My first-born is married and has 2 children. We have more of a "family" connection. My third son lives out of town, yet we have almost a "best friend" connection; we can talk about anything and he can communicate with me the best. My youngest, my daughter, is "the thorn in my side" right now. She's 23 and thinks she knows everything, but I put up with her because she's my only daughter and we're connected because we're both women. So, yes, it can be an uncomfortable feeling, but it's usually quite normal. Don't beat yourself up about it.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:02 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I did until one of my little ones had to have surgery. That changed evrything. I have a soft spot for all my babies now and I can't take them for granted.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Feb. 24, 2011