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How do I overcome the fear of dating again after being divorced?

After my separation with my x-husband, I dated a guy for 6 months. I was miserable. Jumping into another relationship only made the pain worse. I have been asked out a lot since I broke up with my previous boyfriend in April. I keep turning down dates. I want to date though. But at the same time, I am scared to fall in love again. I am scared to even trust again. What do I do? How do I overcome this?

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Asked by Elsas_Mommy at 6:40 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • Give yourself time to heal. You can go out on dates, but you've got a lot of baggage at the moment that you do not want to bring into a relationship. Those trust issues don't go away easily. Go slow. You will get there. I wasn't ready for a relationship after my divorce even when I THOUGHT I was ready again. You can go on some dates but just be honest with them about you not wanting to rush things and that you have trust issues. The right man will be patient and understanding of this.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 7:14 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Congratulations! You have just experienced your "obligatory transition relationship"...the one that was destined to fail! So now that you have gotten that out of the way, you can relax. Go out but don't take anything seriously...make it clear that you are dating for fun and companionship but you are not ready for an emotional relatioship (and be very careful when it comes to sex...if you have the slightest reservation......say NO.) Most of all, HAVE FUN. When you are ready for a relationship, you'll know.

    Answer by companygoddess at 7:50 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • Keep meeting guys until one fits you and your personality like a custom fit. I like meeting them online. It helps me stay in control and I can get to know them without being nervous that way. Once I find one that I like then I agree to meet him. If it works, it works and if not then you have at least met a nice person and it's time for the next one. I went 15 yrs without dating. Starting back up after that long a time was really scary but now it's all good. I think I found someone I really like this time. I'm not looking for marriage though so maybe it's easier for me without that agenda. I just want to share time with someone who likes me and accepts me for me. Don't put pressure on yourself to find love. Just find "like" then when you are comfortable with that you can take a bigger step.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:20 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

  • My suggestion is to date a friend. I married about a month after my divorce, but I'd known and been friends with the man 19 years when we married. Trust was not an issue because we already knew each other. On the other hand, I knew we'd marry when I left my ex also.

    You may not be at that point, and that's okay. I had been looking for a way to get away from my ex for years when my husband came along and our friendship turned to love. Give yourself time. YOU WILL HEAL, but be patient with yourself.

    Answer by rhope4 at 8:25 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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