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2 Bumps

Okay, I just found out my husband is setting money aside for a bike he wants that is a few grand. I am POed because I see us struggling with the bills....

I over heard a conversation he was having with my father about setting money aside. We are broke! We are still so behind on our bills. I am very upset over this because I have been going without just to make ends meet. When I tell my husband I would like to save up to get a hair cut or buy clothes for the kids he says just spend the money. The difference is I know we do not have it to spend. He just bought a $ 200.00 Inversion table for his neck. Even though it bothered me because we didn't have the money I let it go because he was hoping it would help but this new expense just puts me over the edge.

Am I overreacting? If you do not think I am how do I go about discussing this to a man that believes he is the bread winner and can do with the money as he sees fit.

 
AmyLynn5398

Asked by AmyLynn5398 at 10:05 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,564 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • you need to talk to him about it! Why is it that the woman has to constantly worry about how the family and kids are going to get by and the man puts aside money for damn toys for themselves!?!?!?!?!? It pisses me off too!
    lashes325

    Answer by lashes325 at 10:14 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Are you sure he wasn't telling his Dad that just to be blowing smoke? If he has a sore neck, the inversion table would help him, do you not know how much money is in your accounts? If you are behind on bills, and he has extra money, time to give up the bike dream until things get more solid,,,,time for a long talk! Hugs to you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:08 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I would be pissed. He isn't putting the family last. Yes, he is the bread winner, but with that comes responsibility and hes not showing any.
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:09 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I dont know how bad your financial situation is so its hard to say if you are over reacting. What is bad for one person, might not be for someone else. On top of it I dont know how your husband was raised. Was he raised in a very poor family? I ask this because if he is making more then he saw his parents make he may believe you are doing fine financially. I have this problem with my dh. I was raised in an affluent family, we always had our bills paid, clothes and extras. He was raised by a poor family, and he makes more then they ever did. He sees himself as much better off then he was raised, and I dont think we are doing well enough.

    I would just set some time aside with the bills, his pay stubs and spell it out for him. Ask him how he thinks you have any extra money for anything?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:08 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It's easy to spend when you don't see the big picture. Sit down together and do up a budget. You both need to know exactly how much is coming in and make sure everything is covered. Having a little for each of you to spend on yourselves should be part of the budget. We all need that freedom.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 10:10 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • why are you behind on bills, and how much of that debt did you accumulate on your own?
    women tend to be bigger spenders than men, so I would have to see his side of the story before I can comment.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:12 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • this is typical male traits for the majority of males.
    letstalk747

    Answer by letstalk747 at 10:16 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • If he is squirreling away money for a luxury and you are behind on bills of course there is a problem. Is he aware of the black and white, on paper, facts? If not, that is where I would start. It would appear, from all you've said, that he is being immature. You two need a long talk regarding finances, budget and living beyond your means. When you live like that there is no cushion, no financial safety net. What happens if he gets hurt or laid off? Is there ANY money set aside for emergencies? Speak with him frankly but avoid accusations. Avoid making him feel like he isn't making enough. Just lay it out about what the financial reality is.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:17 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • jewjewbee...he is the spender in the family. And he has the credit card debt. I have none. I was a single mom for 12 years so I learned quick not to spend money on myself. Even during my pregnancy we did not have the money for me to eat as well as I would have liked. I made do and most of my lunches would be ramin noodles because we just didn't have the grocery money. But then he would come home with beer. He believes if he has to slave away at work he should get to spend the money so he doesn't hate his life.

    The reason we are so behind on our bills is he was laid off for two years. So I was the one working full time. We now have a 4 month old daughter so I only work 2 shifts a week. As for how behind we are. We are still 2 months behind on car, 1 month behind on mortgage, etc...
    AmyLynn5398

    Comment by AmyLynn5398 (original poster) at 10:27 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • I suggest you do the same.Open your own savings account,and your own credit card account.Do this because if ever something were to happen you will need your own credit in your name.So many ladies out there do not do this,and it is very important to establish you!So start doing the same ,and tell no one!!I have had accounts for years and i have my own ira's too in my name ,with my oldest child being benefactor.Take care of you,why do you think he does this?Men sometimes get tunnel vision especially when its something they want,well you have wants too,start small,i keep an urn at the house and i throw dollars in it all the time.When its full i keep some deposit the rest.you are your own person take care of you.Hey and my dh knows this about me and respects me for it.Good luck dear.If you are behind ,you put things in your name,thus building your credit,but pay it up,I stay a few payments ahead for bad times.
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 11:29 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

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