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2 Bumps

Foster Parents

I am a foster mom and I feel so frustrated with all that we go through. But I have no one to share my experiences with. When I go to moms groups I always feel like the odd one out. The conversation always seems to revolve around pregnancy, breastfeeding, or topics that are not relevant because my children come via DSS. And the other mothers ask me general questions but they just don't get a lot of what I talk about. Does anyone else have this problem?

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Momof2byGrace

Asked by Momof2byGrace at 11:41 AM on Feb. 24, 2011 in Adoption

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • God bless you there are not alot of people like you out here. I am sure there is a group somewhere by you for Foster parents. Good luck!!!! If you are not getting anything out of that mom group, research to find more, check your health department, town hall and library...
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:51 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • i just want to say good for u ur awesome thank you very much for doing what u are doing sorry i'm no help hope u find some kind of support good luck
    Paigesmommy78

    Answer by Paigesmommy78 at 11:56 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • In person mom groups I have always felt uncomfortable with. People have very strong views on foster parenting and adoption. Some views, not meant to be personal, are very offensive to me. I have had to learn not to take it personal even when it feels like they are attacking me, my choices, or my family. My child also has issues specific to his status as an adoptee. If I share with a friend....I get I'm reading too much into it. Sometimes I have come to this forum and I can get support that I am reasonable and valid in my observations and concerns. I would have loved to BF but I was discouraged - again by people not familiar with adoption issues. And we hope to foster one day. When we participate in conversations with friends - it is hard sometimes to hear the harsh criticism they place on birth families. I can only say that I have set a rule for myself that I will avoid having my son hear this talk.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:58 AM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • It is not that I want to shelter him but there are some things that are not age appropriate and we try hard to not have him think birth families are bad, neglectful, awful, or crazy. When you find a place or person that is supportive of you - hang on to that. Here there are many birth mothers, who I will never meet in person, that I respect deeply and for whatever reason their opinion seems to matter to me at this time. I might not agree, and I can admit sometimes it even stings if they disagree, it does feel supportive to me. I hope you get what you need.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:00 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Is there a Mom's group in your area specifically for fostering mothers? I can understand where there would be real challenges. You aren't able to share everything due to confidentiality but you need to share, just like every other mother does. Have you spoken with anyone at CAS (or whatever it's called by you) to find out what your options are? Really hope you find a group because it's a valuable way to recharge your emotional batteries.
    Nonoluna

    Answer by Nonoluna at 12:39 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • Try this group it's for Foster and Adoptive Moms : http://www.cafemom.com/group/3104/
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 6:20 PM on Feb. 24, 2011

  • There's another group called foster/adoptive parenting. I also work in a women's hospital with a ton of co-workers that have just given birth. Yeah, I know how you feel. Other problem I have is that people are curious about why my kids ended up in the care of DHS. I don't feel like sharing their story with most people, so I just say birth parent issues and that normally ends their questions.
    yo_ho

    Answer by yo_ho at 3:14 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • Thanks to everyone for being so sweet. I am def. going to get into the group onethetwins;)
    Momof2byGrace

    Comment by Momof2byGrace (original poster) at 7:04 AM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • The Adoption group on here is great as well. It is owned by a Foster Mom but it welcome everyone in the triad, regardless of what type of adoption you have. It is one of the rare groups that allows everyone to be represented. Please come take a look.
    2ndtimewish

    Answer by 2ndtimewish at 9:40 PM on Feb. 25, 2011

  • you should try foster group. Good luck.
    HomeAlone45

    Answer by HomeAlone45 at 4:22 PM on Mar. 1, 2011

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